


Slashed and Destroyed

by Fanficprincess05



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV 2012)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety Attacks, Blood and Gore, Brotherly Love, Donnie-centric, Eventual Happy Ending, Gen, Healing, I like to make my bbys suffer, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Quite Violent, Revenge, Separation Anxiety, first fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-21
Updated: 2016-11-16
Packaged: 2018-08-10 04:43:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 24,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7830754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fanficprincess05/pseuds/Fanficprincess05
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Donnie knew it was a bad idea to separate from Raph on their mission. Little did he know it would be the decision that changed his life forever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Regrets and Unfortunate Meetings

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first ongoing fic on AO3! Hooray! I will continue to update it as fast as my day-to-day schedule will allow. 
> 
> There is only one moment in the story where I changed information for convenience purposes, and that is when Raph states the temperature (I'm Canadian). It's in celsius. I know they're in the States, but it really didn't flow as well to list it in Farenheit. I apologise, my American friends. For the record, -30°C is -22°F, and -22.1°C is -7.78°F, at least according to the temperature conversion it is haha.
> 
> Other notes..  
> Shed - the entrance from an apartment building onto the rooftop. Watch any episode and you'll know what I mean. I don't know the word for it haha. 
> 
> Alright so here is the complication - I can't exactly place where this fic would fall time-wise into the series. Obviously, it takes place after Slash and Destroy, and I was going to fit it in before the Mighty Mutanimals, but then I realised there was Newtralized! which has Slash pairing up with the Newtralizer. Casey needs to be in it and familiar with the lair, and Slash has to not be known as a friend yet. The Kraang also have to be around and they have to be somewhat hidden still. So I'd say between Slash and Destroy and Newtralized! although that's not a very big time frame. Unless we forget about Newtralized! altogether and pretend it never existed. ;)  
> Anyways, just place it at being after Slash and Destroy, and have it be an alternate timeline or something. Be creative!

It was a cold and grey day, the kind where either rain or snow could be held in the tips of the clouds, waiting to fall. The kind of weather that cast darkness over New York City, drowning its usual array of colors into muted charcoal and steel covers. A day that was better served staying inside, under the covers, with a good book. Based on the desertedness of the streets of New York and the lack of activity anywhere in the city, people were taking this advice to heart. But not everyone was hidden away from the impending storm, choosing instead to almost chase it as they jumped carelessly and effortlessly over the rooftops above. Instead of hiding out in their usual underground lair, these four mutant turtles were on a mission.

                “Remind me again why we’re out here doing acrobatics in _minus thirty degree weather?”_ Raphael yelled out, swinging his sais toward the ever darkening sky to help prove his point.

                “Well, if we’re going to be exact, it’s currently -22.1°C and lowering,” Donatello said matter-of-factly, but Raphael just growled at him.

                “Well if we’re being exact, the chance of me flinging you off of this roof is exactly 95% and increasing,” Raph said, inching closer to Donatello as he said so.

                “I still like my odds,” Donnie grinned, narrowly avoiding Raph’s punch but eliciting a small smirk from him all the same. The two began a game of cat and mouse while leaping from building to building.

                “Relax guys! I’m aware of the weather but this scouting mission is important. April said she heard rumors of Kraang activity happening somewhere in New York and if they’re around and causing trouble we need to be the first to know,” Leo said, jumping onto the satellite where Donnie was hiding from Raph and breaking the two up. “So quit messing around so we can get home faster. I’m pretty sure my shell is frozen,” Leo mused.

                “Yes captain!” Donnie said sarcastically, coming out of hiding.

                “Let me help you find out, Leo,” Raphael said, pounding Leo to the floor with a swift hit to his shell. “Feel anything?” He grinned.

                “Haha, very funny.” Leo mocked, slowly getting up and brushing the dirt off of his knees.

                “Hey, it’s not our fault that Raph is too much of a wuss to handle a little cold,” Mikey said, hanging off of a shed and sporting a bright orange scarf around his neck. He easily missed the rock tossed at his face from Raph.

                “Where were you all of this time?” Leo questioned.

 “And what is that awful thing around your neck? It’s like I’m staring into the sun,” Donnie asked, shielding his eyes for effect.

“Well unlike you intelligent dudes I went back home after feeling the weather to get this,” he gestured proudly to his scarf, “which not only keeps me warm but looks good,” he singsonged.

“And dare I ask _where_ you got this scarf?” Leo questioned once more, going up to Mikey for a better look. It wasn’t a scarf so much as an article of clothing fabricated by linking several smaller articles together. Socks, pant legs, even..

“Mikey, these are underwear! What the hell!” Leo sputtered, dropping his hand and wiping it ferociously on his plastron. “You’re sick.”

“Hey man, it took me _forever_ to find all of these matching colors. Some were mine, some I found,” he counted on his fingers. “Some April –“

“Okay, stop right there, I do _not_ need to know more.” Donnie help up a hand and shuddered, partly from the thought of Mikey’s scarf and partly from the cold. “Can we go now, please?” He whimpered.

                “Best thing you’ve said all day,” Raph said, patting him on the shoulder before turning to Mikey and pointing at his scarf. “And you’re throwing that thing out when we get home. It’s disgusting.” Mikey simply stuck his tongue out at Raph and said nothing. They all jumped off the roof onto the next one, stealthily travelling once more.

~

                After what seemed like ages, what with Mikey’s outlandish observations about the world around him (“I wonder if pigeons taste like pizza, since they eat so much of it?”), Donnie’s scientific responses (“Pigeon, better known as squab in the culinary world, has a flavor best described as..”) and Raph’s increasing rage (“I wish the cold could freeze my eardrums so I didn’t have to listen to you two carry on”), Leo breathed a huge sigh of relief to stumble upon Purple Dragons down below. Silencing everyone and motioning for them to stay low, the turtles spied on the Dragons as they carried boxes of hidden objects to both a van and a delivery truck, all coming out of a long-unused and forgotten warehouse on the outskirts of town. Knowing that the criminals were probably partaking in illegal activity, possibly with Shredder or even the Kraang, the turtles couldn’t help but feel excitement at the sudden change in plans for the day.

                “And here I thought we braved the cold for nothing,” Raph said as he cracked his knuckles, grin on his face. Leo rolled his eyes and chuckled.

                “Okay gang, here’s the plan. We’ll stay low to the rooftops and follow these guys to see where they end up. Once we know their plan and who they’re working with,” he punched his fist into his palm, “then we’ll beat some sense into them. Let’s move!” The other turtles cheered quietly, grabbing their weapons to prepare themselves.

                “Question,” Mikey said, raising his hand.

                “Don’t you always have one?” Raph mocked, flipping his sais around impatiently. Leo grabbed one and used it to stop Raph’s other one, much to his disdain.

                “What is it, Mikey?” he asked with a note of weariness in his voice.

                Mikey pointed down to where the Dragons were. “Uh, which one do we follow?” The turtles all looked down only to realize that the van and the truck had taken off in different directions. Leo moaned and slapped his forehead.

                “Of course they’d do something like this to throw us off,” he complained.

                “We’ll need to split up,” Donnie stated and Leo nodded.

                “Alright, Mikey and I will take the van. Donnie, you and Raph trail the truck. If any of us find any information, we have our cells. Just be careful and don’t get caught,” Leo said, a hint of concern in his voice.

                “Yes mother,” Raph grinned. He punched Donnie in the arm. “Let’s go, nerd,” he mocked, dragging Donnie along with him by his staff.

                “Really, Raph? Name calling? How mature.” He rolled his eyes, winking at Leo and Mikey before turning to keep up with Raph. “We’ll call you!” he said before they jumped off the roof.

~

                The truck seemed to drive for miles without letting up. Despite the ever-increasing cold coming down on the city, trails of sweat were forming on Donnie and Raph as they leapt across the now-industrial buildings to keep up.

                “Where the heck is this thing going?!” Raph moaned, trying to catch his breath as he propelled himself from a phone tower to another building.

                “I have no idea,” Donnie huffed, stopping to catch his breath as well as he leaned himself on the wall of a shed. “But I really need to take a moment or else I’m going to pass out.” His words came out as a cloud of fog in the chilly air. Raph jumped from where he was to where Donnie was resting, giving himself a moment of pause as well.

                “Here’s what we’ll do, before we end up in another state-“

                “And I don’t happen to have my passport,” Donnie joked wheezily, garnering a light slap on the head from Raph and a smirk as well. Donnie chuckled at his lame joke.

                “-We’ll cut them off before they can go any further. Since I’m faster at this point, I’ll go around, cutting them off from the front. When you feel ready you trail them from behind. Eventually we’ll meet up and cut them off completely, making it rain purple,” Raph said, a hint of anticipation in his voice. Donnie got up, a look of intensity suddenly on his features.            

                “You want us to split up?” he asked, concern lacing the question.

                “Why not? We can’t keep going like this or we’ll never make it. It’s the only shot we’ve got at finding out what’s going on with these clowns,” he said, putting his hand on Donnie’s shoulder. “What’s wrong, are you scared or something?” He said seriously.

                “No, but Leo said-“ Donnie began but was cut off by Raph’s scowl.

                “Leo’s not here, _we_ are. You know this is the only way,” Raph emphasized, getting impatient.

                “I guess,” Donnie said hesitantly. What was he so nervous about? Getting lost? No, he knew the area quite well. Fighting alone? No, he also knew they could both take the Dragons down together or individually.

                “What if something happens to one of us beforehand?” Donnie blurted out, catching Raph off guard.

                “What could possibly go wrong? We have our weapons _and_ we’re ninjas. We have our cells anyways. We won’t be separate for long, Donnie. Everything will be okay,” Raph said, patting Donnie’s shoulder reassuringly and smiling before turning to go. “Now let’s move before we lose them!” With that, he jumped to another building and was out of sight within seconds.

                Donnie stood there a second longer, staring at the empty space that moments ago held his brother. He had a bad feeling about this. Trying as best he could to shrug off his anxieties, he grabbed his Bo staff and continued on his path, trying hard to concentrate solely on the mission but finding himself failing.

~

                It had turned into a bitter cold, one so strong that it latched onto Donnie’s joints and muscles, seizing and cramping them up until they could no longer function properly. Moving from building to building had become too arduous a task and Donnie was no longer capable of moving forward. He grabbed his cell and entered in Raph’s number, calling to tell him to fall back and return to the city to find Leo and Mikey. He hit dial but before he could even hear the first ring, something of an enormous size charged into him, sending him flying into a cement wall and crashing to the ground. As his body tried to recover from the blow and his mind attempted to wrap itself around what was happening, he could see his cell on the ground, lying a couple of feet away from him. It was still calling Raph and Donnie could hear his voice speaking on the other end. He squirmed to go get it, the wind knocked out of him and his muscles contracting painfully with the force of the hit and the cold. Before he could make any move towards his cell, a massive reptilian foot with large pointed claws stomped down on it, smashing the phone into a million pieces. Donatello felt a surge of fear course through his spine but tilted his head up to face his attacked, only to gasp at the face that he saw.

                It was Slash.

                But it couldn’t be Slash! They had defeated him way back when, throwing him off of that roof in the city. It was true, he had disappeared before they could figure out where he was, but that was almost a year ago. They hadn’t seen him, heard about him or anything since. Had he been living this far out the entire time?

                Looking at him, Donnie could feel the panic creeping up into his chest. This was no longer Spike, Raphael’s cuddly pet. This wasn’t even the Slash of old. This Slash carried battle scars. His features belied a certain darkness emanating from within him. An aura of pure evil surrounded him. A ferocious snarl on his face accompanied eyes that were empty and void of any emotion and connection to the world around him. A rabid dog ready to tear apart his prey. With the realization that this would not end well if he remained where he was, Donnie moved with quick reflexes to his feet and grabbed his Bo staff, completely forgetting his lack of mobility mere moments ago. However, his moves were not quick enough and almost anticipated. As he went to stab Slash with his Bo’s bladed end he was stopped as Slash grabbed it. He flung Donnie off to the side of the rooftop, the force of it rivaling that of a hurricane, and Donnie could feel his shell crack slightly in certain places as he intercepted his landing with it. He cringed at the pain but pushed it to the back of his mind. Now was not the time to dwell on that. He saw Slash break his staff in two and as Donnie used his hand to brace himself against the wall to get up, an intense fire shot through it to his arm and chest as he realized his Bo’s blade was now sticking through it. He screamed out in pain, the blood beginning to rush down his arm.

                He could feel steps pounding the floor as Slash charged at him again, but Donatello pulled the blade out of his hand and freed himself just in time. His hand was beginning to go numb, and although his head was filled with adrenaline he was assessing his status. All signs pointed to trouble.

                “I don’t know why you’re doing this,” he shouted, narrowly missing Slash’s fist as he ducked in back of a shed on their current battleground, “But it’s me, it’s Donnie. You know, Raphael’s brother? Please try to remember!” Donnie’s pleas heard no response from Slash and so Donnie began wishing for Raph to come back and save him.

                As he tried to remember where Raph had taken off to, he found himself leaning towards the north. Bracing himself and his injured hand, he went to jump off of the building but instead of soaring along he felt Slash’s long fingernails dig through his calves into his skin and muscle and right down to the bone, and he was dragged backwards. His plastron and face hit the concrete roof, his head spinning and his vision blurring. Slash removed his claws from Donnie’s legs and that was when the harsh reality descended on the turtle - he wasn’t going to escape this. He wasn’t going to _survive._ He closed his eyes, the pain coming out of him in the form of tears and soft moans. The world continued to spin. He felt himself being lifted by his legs and the searing pain and Slash dragged his limp body against the cold, rough cement. Even the freezing weather could not numb the pain.

                All of a sudden Donnie snapped back to life and lifted his head as much as he could. The loss of blood had caused him to temporarily black out and in that time he had been dragged far away from where the fight originated, far from his brothers. He might have even crossed into a new state. After a long enough time being pulled along Slash dropped his body on the ground and turned to do something Donatello could not see.

                _This is it,_ he thought both sullenly and determinedly, _my last shot at living._ He pulled out one lone ninja star he had tucked away in his belt and took a deep breath. Pulling himself up with all the force he could muster and the loudest screams he had ever heard himself scream, he had just enough time to throw the star before Slash got to him, catching in Slash’s eye and causing him to recoil.

                Unfortunately, his recoil lasted mere seconds before he composed himself long enough to punch Donatello full force in the face, knocking him to the ground. In his last lucid moment Donnie witness Slash take one of his large spikes and ram it painfully and angrily through Donnie’s plastron, right through to his organs, before turning and fleeing to tend to his own battered eye.

                It was only mere seconds after Slash leaving that the pain and blood loss caught up to Donatello that he surrendered to it, closing his eyes and losing consciousness once more.

~

                “This is where we split up, guys, it was this building!” Raph said in a rushed, panicked voice. When he received the call from Donnie an hour ago, he thought nothing of it, that maybe Donnie had accidentally hit call. But after all this time there had been no sign of him, no meeting up to intercept the Purple Dragons, and that’s when he knew something was wrong. Donnie knew the area pretty well; he wouldn’t have gotten lost and it wouldn’t have taken this long to get where Raphael was waiting. In all of this panic he had called Leo and Mikey, telling them to meet him on the building where they had first split up. Leonardo was furious and was not doing a good job at hiding it.

                “ _How_ could you do something so _stupid?!_ I told you to stick together Raph!” He screamed, and his angry tone couldn’t hide his worry concerning Donnie.

                “You don’t think I don’t know that now, Leo? I wish I could take it all back. What if something happened?” His tone was so distraught and un-Raph-like that it caused Leo’s anger to dissipate. He went over and put an arm around Raph’s shoulders.

                “We’ll find him, Raph, don’t worry. The nerd probably found some bird species he’s never seen before and got sidetracked,” he said soothingly and lightheartedly, although both brothers knew this was definitely not true.

                “Guys, you need to see this _now,_ ” Mikey yelled from a couple of feet away, and the tone was so urgent and serious that Leo and Raph ran to see him. Mikey looked at them with watery eyes and pointed to the wall in front of them. The wall was covered in blood, and as the turtles looked down they could see Donnie’s broken Bo staff laying there, the bladed end shining red in the light. Mikey dropped to his knees, staring at it with teary eyes and saying nothing. Raph punched the cement wall and condemned himself for separating from Donnie in the first place. Leo bent down and picked up the blade with shaking hands.

                “Guys, we don’t know if this is his blood,” Leo said unconvincingly, “but we need to focus and find Donnie before it’s too late. Please stay strong for him,” Leo pleaded. Mikey stood up, wiping his eyes, and Raph joined them. They searched the rooftop, finally stumbling upon more blood, which led them to another building. Following the trail, which was getting thicker and fresher with each passing rooftop, they realized they had been searching for almost an hour and were no longer in the state of New York.

                “This is taking too long, guys!” Mikey whimpered, his lip trembling. Raph and Leo both knew time was running out for their brother, and the sun was beginning to set. Any colder than this and he’d freeze to death, let alone bleed to death.

                The brothers hit the end of their blood trail and sobbed when they didn’t find anything. On the verge of losing hope Leo looked down only to find a flash of purple. His heart stopped. Jumping down to a slightly lower factory rooftop, the turtles saw him – lying in a pool of his own blood, long and deep gashes that burrowed to the bones of his calves, the deep wound in his left hand. His face, arms and legs were all blackened with bruises and shredded skin, blood emanating not only from his hand and legs but from his nose and mouth as well. But none of that compared to his plastron, where a thick spike dug right through it.

                “Oh God,” Raph said thickly, falling next to Donnie and putting a hand on his face. “This is all my fault! I’m so sorry Donnie, I never meant for any of this to happen. Please don’t die on me,” he sobbed, burying his head in his arms. Mikey sat beside his brother and sobbed uncontrollably.

                Leo was internally breaking, his emotional distress flowing from his eyes, but he tried to maintain his leadership levelheadedness. He bent down to his brother and placed a hand in the crook of his neck. Much to his surprise and elation, there was a pulse.

                “He’s still alive!” he shouted, and his brothers sprung up in shock, ready to act. “Raph, you need to get April and Casey on the phone. Tell April to go to Master Splinter and get ready to go to work. Tell Casey to get our van here as fast as humanly possible, because we’ll never make it on foot,” he said grimly. Raph got up and on his phone immediately, walking away to give commands from afar.

                “Mikey,” Leo looked to his younger brother, who had paled considerably but was still present. “That ugly scarf is going to be a hero today,” Leo said, grabbing it from Mikey’s neck and ripping it into three pieces with his Katana. They tightly wound each piece around his hand and two legs, and although they quickly went from neon orange to crimson, the blood flow had stopped considerably. Leo sighed in relief and then remembered the big source of injury.

                “We can’t touch this or he’ll bleed out,” he warned Mikey and Raph, who had returned.

                “Casey says fifteen minutes, no more.” The brothers all looked at Donnie fearfully, and Mikey used his hand to wipe the blood from Donnie’s nose. They sat there mournfully.

                “Hang in there Donnie, we’re getting you home soon,” Leo said softly, putting his hand on Donnie’s arm and gently holding it.

                “You better stay alive, bro. We still have the last episode of our show to watch. And you still have to try to beat my high score on the pinball machine. And I still have to make you try my new pizza recipe. And we still have to update my nunchakus and make them awesome. And…” Mikey drifted off, sobbing so hard that words could no longer come out. Raph put his arm around Mikey, hugging him tightly.

                “This is all my fault,” Raph said solemnly.

                “Now’s not the time to place blame Raph,” Leo said sternly, but Raph continued on.

                “If we hadn’t separated we could have caught the Kraang together and Donnie wouldn’t have a spike through him determining if he lives or dies..” He trailed off, but suddenly his eyes widened. He went to run his hand over the weapon lodged in his brother’s plastron, but Leo swatted him away.

                “I told you, we need to keep it in,” Leo growled.

                “You don’t understand, Leo, this spike..It’s Spike!” Raph exclaimed, shocked.  

                “What do you mean, bro?” Mikey questioned, furrowing his brow. Leo gasped and stood up.

                “You don’t mean..”

                “Slash is the one who did this to Donnie.”


	2. Mistakes and Painful Truths

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In a situation far exceeding their capabilities everyone comes together to save Donatello before it's too late.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was EXTREMELY tedious and hard to write, and I still don't know how I feel about it. I'm obviously not a doctor, and although I tried to research as much as possible how to go about fixing the types of damage Donatello sustained, obviously I had to alter it since they only have so many things down in the lair. Whether or not it's a bit unrealistic, I'm not sure, but judge for yourself. Hopefully it's enough to make you happy :)
> 
> Regardless, it is a relevant part of the story but it's not as important to the overall theme that this series will take, so at least if it's bad it'll only be one chapter hehe. I'll try and get the next one up as soon as possible; they'll start flowing out fast because I know exactly where I'm going with all of this. Stay tuned!

                    The quiet moans escaping Donatello’s unconscious body were the only glimmer of hope that he was still alive. It was extremely difficult to maneuver his broken body from the rooftops above to the street down below where Casey was waiting, but somehow they managed to do so without causing further damage to Donnie’s body. The bleeding hadn’t ceased completely, although the tourniquets fabricated from Mikey’s distracting scarf had definitely helped to slow it down, and Mikey had elevated Donnie’s legs in the back of the van to slow the blood flow to those damaged areas. The scene was still something out of a horror film; blood was splattered all over the street outside, inside the van and on the turtles themselves. The air surrounding them was laced with panic and urgency, with the knowledge that every second could be Donatello’s last, and that the faster they got back home the more likely his chance of survival.

  
                     The car ride was extremely silent, the turtles and Casey unable to find the words to begin to explain the situation at hand. Upon seeing Donnie’s mangled body Casey had almost wilted, his face going white and his eyes bulging in shock, but he pushed those feelings aside to help the turtles get him in the van. Leo allowed Casey to continue the drive home, knowing that he was not only a faster driver, but that he probably would have passed out himself if he remained around Donatello. Leo didn’t trust Casey alone up front in his shaken state and when he saw Raphael shriveling up in panic, his features blanking and his body shining with sweat, he knew his brother would make the perfect traveling companion.

  
                     And so they drove, Casey pounding down on the gas as he white-knuckled the steering wheel, Raphael trying his best to calm himself down with breathing exercises but failing. That left Leo and his youngest brother in the back with Donnie. Despite being the youngest of the four siblings, Mikey was surprisingly holding himself together, using his hands to put pressure on Donatello’s wounded hand. Leonardo sat up on his knees and lightly traced his fingers up and down Donatello’s arm, trying to soothe his pain but knowing he was failing. He sighed.

  
                     “How are we going to fix this?” he mumbled softly, only to feel a punch in the arm from his brother.

  
                     “Don’t you dare give up on me, Leo! Donnie needs us to be ready for when we get home, and there is no time for doubt, so you better get rid of it!” Mikey growled. Leo looked at his youngest brother, wide-eyed. Taking in his features, Leo could see that Mikey’s baby face had hardened, adding years to his age. While worry was layered deep within his eyes, there was also a steel determination and strength within them that took Leo by surprise. He had never seen his brother so serious before. Leonardo felt his heart swell with pride for his little brother, and a tiny smile crept up on his face.

  
                     “I’m here, Mikey. I’m not going anywhere.” He whispered determinedly.

  
                     “Guys, we’re here,” Raphael said, the tone of his voice incredibly anxious. He ran around to the back of the van as fast as his shaking legs could take him, and with Casey’s help they opened the door, the sight before them causing their heads to spin and their hearts to pound. Bracing himself against the door, Raphael looked to his brothers with sorrowful eyes, eyes that had lost all hope for anything good to happen. Leonardo felt anger rise in his chest towards his brother and Casey, upset at their lack of courage and their resignation towards the situation, at their cowardice in the face of peril. All of the emotion caught up to him and found himself going towards them to share a piece of his mind when he felt a hand grab his shoulder and pull him back.

  
                     “Now’s not the time for that, Leo. There are so many more pressing issues right now! Alright, here’s what we’re going to do. Raph and Casey, since you’re obviously unsuited for this kind of work, you’re going to run ahead and warn April and Splinter that we’re here. Tell them to prepare everything. Leo, you’re with me. We’ve got Donnie duty. Do you think you can remain sane long enough to get him to his lab? You’re all I’ve got right now,” Mikey pleaded, and Leonardo could feel his anger fading as he caught the look on Mikey’s face. Leo nodded and the two of them grabbed Donatello as Raph and Casey disappeared into the lair, their bodies trembling but their strides determined.

  
~

  
                     Pain and sorrow only registered for five seconds on April’s face before they were replaced with courage and purpose. She motioned Leo and Mikey to bring Donatello’s body over to a cot in the corner, where Master Splinter and a whole array of medical supplies waited. The shock was finally hitting Donnie and he began to flail in his unconscious state, his hands waving around aimlessly and his legs thrashing in pain. Splinter grabbed his son’s arms and held them down as April tied them to the bed frame; Leo held down his legs as best he could, almost unable to until he found Casey beside him helping. Casey looked at him and gave a thumbs up, and although Leo knew he was far from alright, he appreciated Casey sucking it up to aid him. He offered his own thumbs up as a sign of gratitude. April and Splinter threw latex gloves on their human hands, and Mikey threw on a lab coat to join them. This is really happening, thought Leo, the anxiety in his chest acting at full force. He braced himself and took a deep breath, tightening his grip on Donnie.

  
                     “The bruises and minor cuts will heal on their own, so there isn’t anything we can do about them. We’ll take care of them last with some antiseptic and bandages. However, this cut on his hand..” she trailed off, picking up his hand as much as the restraints would allow and frowning at the deep gash.  
“I think it came from his Bo staff. You know, the blade?” Mikey offered, and April nodded, trying to erase the vivid pictures beginning to form in her head. Whoever did this to her Donatello was going to pay.

  
                     “It looks pretty deep, but there are even bigger problems right now. Sensei, do you think you could fix it? I think it’ll be alright with some stitches and antiseptic,” April directed, grabbing a bottle of Hydrogen Peroxide and throwing it to Splinter, who nodded silently and went over to the table holding the supplies. He grabbed a needle, some cotton balls and some thread, sitting down next to his son’s hand and quietly getting to work. The frown on his face belied his fatherly anguish and concern, but his eyes showed the collectedness of a sensei as he washed the wound out with the peroxide. Donatello’s body shook temporarily in pain, but Casey and Leo managed to hold him down.

  
                     “We need to work on that spike, but I think for now it’s keeping him stable,” Mikey said, crossing down to where his legs were and motioning for Casey and Leo to hold them up higher. “This is where he needs the most work for now,” he grabbed one of the lights illuminating the area and shone them on Donnie’s calves. April let out a slight gasp, the sound betraying her calm exterior and releasing the emotion she was trying to keep hidden. She cleared her throat and moved closer to inspect.

  
                     “They’re so deep, Mikey, and we’re not doctors. How are we going to fix this?” April said, panic evident in her voice as she realized the extent of Donnie’s damage. Mikey grabbed her shoulders and stared her in the face, shaking her slightly.

  
                     “Snap out of it April, we have no time for self-doubt! All I know is this – anything is better than letting him bleed out, and so we have to try. I know we’ve never faced anything this extreme before, but we have done some pretty gnarly stuff. And if I know Donnie, he’ll pull through anything we throw at him,” Mikey said, and the motivational speech got through to April as she hardened her resolve, running to the table and grabbing more needles and thread, as well as another bottle of peroxide.

  
                     “I have an idea, but it’s going to be intense and painful and pretty gnarly,” she said, getting in front of Donnie’s gashed calves and cringing. “I’m so sorry Donnie, please forgive me for this, but I need to see how deep the damage is. Hold him down as best you can, guys,” she warned, and without further ado she took her fingers and dug them into his wounds. The reaction was instantaneous as unconscious moans turned into unconscious screams, the pain of April’s action obviously traumatizing Donnie’s already aching body. Luckily Leo and Casey were stronger and able to keep him relatively steady, and within moments April had her diagnosis.

  
                     “The wound cut deep, I’d say right through the muscle and everything. It needs surgery, and I’m not a surgeon, and without it he may never heal properly,” she ranted to herself, the panic once again coming back.

  
                     “We don’t have that kind of technique at our disposal, April,” Leo said sadly, “we only have you, Mikey and Splinter. Please, just do what you can. Anything,” Leo enforced, “is better than standing by and letting my brother die.”

  
                     April blew out a large breath and turned to Mikey, who stood waiting for his orders. She grabbed a needle and some thread, closed her eyes, and steadied herself. “I’m going to try something, but I don’t know if it’ll work. I hope it’ll work,” she said softly and with a hint of doubt. “I’m going to try and sew him up from the inside and the outside. It’s all I can do for now,” she said, dreading what she was about to do.

  
~

  
                     Her hands full of blood, April stood back and observed her work. Both of the gashes on Donnie’s legs had been sewed up as neatly as was possibly with her shaking hands, and the bleeding had ceased for the most part. Mikey had rubbed down the wounds with his antiseptic and was now wrapping bandages tightly around the stitched up area. Trying to attach the mangled muscles was more difficult than April had thought, but with the help of Splinter’s more steady hand they managed to finish the job together. Donnie’s hand was also looking much better, the wound closed and washed, the bandages wrapped around it neatly. Leo and Casey had put down Donatello’s legs and were shaking off the cramps that had formed in their limbs from remaining in a strained position for so long, and April, Mikey and Splinter were now assessing their biggest challenge.

  
                     “If we remove this, we’ll kill him,” April stated, running her fingers gently over the large weapon stuck in Donatello’s plastron. “I can’t do it, Sensei. I can’t be responsible for killing him if it all goes south,” she trembled, and Splinter put a hand on her shoulder.

  
                     “Do not fret my child,” he spoke for the first time in hours, causing everyone to look his way. “You have done incredibly tonight, and Donatello owes his life to you. It is quite possible that this object impaling my son has gone too far down, and the damage is already done. However,” he said, hope coming through into his words, “what if it has not? There is always a possibility that it is deep enough to wound, but not deep enough to kill. We must find out,” he stated, “before it’s too late."

  
                    April and Mikey looked at each other, the fear in their eyes shining through. Leo and Casey came over, and the four of them looked to the spike sticking out of Donatello’s plastron.

                     
                    “We have no choice.” Leo said, and it became official. “We need a plan though.” The four of them turned to Splinter, who rubbed his chin in thought until finally he spoke.

  
                     “Two teams. Casey and Leo will use their strength to dislodge the object from Donatello, and as soon as that is done April and Michelangelo will jump in and immediately assess and treat whatever needs doing. This is going to take skill and coordination my children, so make sure you are ready before I count down,” Splinter stated, going to hold his son down against the cot.

  
                     April and Mikey looked at each other and nodded, before doing the same to Casey and Leo, who nodded back. Casey and Leo positioned themselves around Donnie, each grabbing a part of the Spike and looking at each other for the signal. April and Mikey stood close by, handfuls of gauze and towels at the ready to stop the impending flow of blood. As Splinter counted to three, the tension in the air was thick, anxiety levels high. The final number hit and Splinter threw himself on top of Donatello while Casey and Leonardo dislodged the spike. Donatello screamed sharply and began to cough, blood coming out from his plastron and his mouth. Mikey and April moved in quick, packing the wound as fast as possible with all of the gauze and towels in their hands. Leo held Donnie’s head to the side until the coughing ceased, the blood flow from his mouth stopping and his demeanor relaxing. Tears sprung to Leo’s eyes as he took this to mean bad news, and they all stared at each other for a few seconds in shock, not knowing what to do. Finally, Mikey snapped back to reality and he felt Donnie’s pulse, his face suddenly lighting up.

  
                    “He’s still alive! April, he’s still alive!” With that, April jumped on to the cot and grabbed all the gauze, pulling it out of his still-bleeding wound.   
“I think he’s going to be okay! I don’t think…I don’t think it pierced all the way through!” She sputtered, tears streaming down her eyes as everyone rejoiced. Packing the wound with thick gauze and more towels to help stop the bleeding, she set about determining the course of action for his plastron. How could they fix something that couldn’t regenerate? Seeming to sense her thought pattern, Mikey came up to her and put his arm around her, heaving a sigh.

  
                    “That’s a discussion for another day. For now, our work is done,” he whispered, and together they set more bandages around his body. Together, the five of them set about cleaning up and covering all of the cuts and bruises on his body, trying not to think about the vast amount of them while doing so. Hooking his arm up to an IV dripping with antibiotics and painkillers, April stood back and assessed her work, pulling off her bloody lab coat and gloves and throwing them in the trash. Mikey and Splinter did the same to their lab coats. The five of them looked at each other in astonishment of what just transpired in the lab, and that they were able to fix things as best they could in the way that they did. All of sudden, April giggled, slightly delirious, exhausted and overwhelmed but feeling positive about how things turned out.

  
                    “I can’t believe we just did that,” she laughed, which caused everyone else to laugh. The laugh was one of relief; relief that Donnie was still alive, that he had a chance of pulling through all of this, that they were able to do as much as they could with what they had, that the main nightmare was finally over. Throwing herself onto the computer chair, she looked at Casey, Splinter, Leo and Mikey and chuckled.

  
                    “I think we could all use a shower,” she said. Splinter went up to Donnie and placed a gentle kiss on his son’s forehead, turned and hugged Mikey and then went up to April.

  
                    “You have proved a true warrior tonight, April,” he said, placing a hand on her shoulder. “Thank you,” he said before exiting the lab. April smiled at him. 

                      
                    Casey got up and stretched. “Man, that was extremely metal. Too metal, if you ask me. Bonehead better never do that to me again,” he said softly, giving Donnie an affectionate look. Leo and Mikey simply sat on either side of him, sighing contentedly and watching the shallow breaths of their brother, who not so long ago they thought they’d lost. A moment of silence passed over the group, one of thick emotion.

  
                    That silence was interrupted by the squeaking of the lab door opening. As the group turned to see what the commotion was, all they saw were the back ends of a red ninja mask exiting the room, the door closing behind them with a slam.

  
~

  
                    He had been there the whole time. Saw it all – the blood, the screams, the needles, the bandages, the pain, the fear, the accomplishment. And yet he found himself bolted to his seat in the corner of the dark lab, half with his family and friends in that room and half trapped in his own mind, the memories of the day swirling around and gripping him with great force. He had left Donnie. If he hadn’t left Donnie none of this would have happened. It was his fault Donnie was hurt. It was his fault Donnie was lying on that cot bleeding out. It was his fault that Donnie was going to die. He couldn’t bear to see his brother in his mangled state for fear that he would lose his mind even more. And so he balked. He hid like a coward while the others proved themselves to be heroes. He stood by in fear while the others faced the trials with courage. He was weak while everyone else was strong.

  
                    Anxiety and guilt tugged at his heart and he trembled from head to toe. He had to leave the lair before he suffocated from it all. Grabbing his sais, he took one last look towards the lab and felt the air leave his lungs, before jumping over the turnstiles and into the sewers. He heard footsteps following behind him, but he was so lost in his own thoughts that he didn’t even pay it any attention. Let it be the Shredder, or the Kraang. Maybe he could be swallowed up into these sewers forever and never have to remember today’s events ever again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed April being a hero, Mikey being a boss and Splinter getting in on the action. They were definitely the saviors in this chapter. And who would have thought big bad Raphael would be such a terrified little guy? 
> 
> Comments and feedback always appreciated! Hope you liked it, for what it was!


	3. Hopeless Reflections and Homecomings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raphael's feeling the after effects of his brother's attack, but Casey needs him to come home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all!  
> I am so sorry for the delay of this chapter, I've been super busy and unwell, causing my to postpone writing this. But alas, here it is.
> 
> It's a little shorter than the other chapters, since nothing big is happening in it and it's mostly just conversation. It's not a super intense or thrilling chapter, but it does help us get into the mindset of what Raphael is feeling at this point in time. No, it doesn't get resolved YET, but stay tuned. Next chapter to come as soon as possible!
> 
> We've got a few more fluffy/housekeeping chapters to go, and it really starts to take a turn somewhere between chapters 8-11. So keep on reading.
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

                The memories wouldn’t stop coming back to him, increasing in frequency and number, as his brain tried but failed to wrap wholly around them all. The day he found Spike all alone down in the sewers, shivering with cold and soaked through to his core, clearly abandoned by his previous owner. Taking him to the lair to show his brothers and Master Splinter, the five of them all piled around their new pet in the kitchen, trying to warm him up as fast as possible. Mikey trying to feed Spike his weird concoctions; Leo taking and hiding him from Raph when they were fighting; Donnie using him as a study subject to learn more about his species as well as a test subject for his silly creations.

                These happy memories gave way to those of the near past, and Raph felt anger flooding through him as he barreled through the tunnels of the sewers, water splashing everywhere. Donnie almost blowing Spike up when one of his dumb science experiments had gone wrong. Taking Donnie’s last canister of mutagen to hide in his room as punishment for his crimes. Fighting with Splinter and his brothers, only to retreat to his room to find Spike a victim to a pile of glowing goo, ten times his size and looking quite menacing. Raph thinking it was alright to team up with this new Slash, forgoing his brothers and their mission, instead choosing to take crime on in their own way. His horror when things turned sour and Slash turned out to be a psychopath, nearly exterminating Mikey and Donatello in his quest for vengeance, before finally being taken down by Raph and his brothers.

                _At least, I thought we had gotten rid of him for good,_ Raph ground his teeth in pain as the final round of thoughts consumed him. He and Donnie splitting from Mikey and Leo. His insistence that they also separate and how much easier it would be to capture the Purple Dragons. Donnie’s hesitations towards this idea; how Donnie tried to change his mind on the matter; how he ignored his brother’s pleas and practically _forced_ him to follow through on his orders. The dread when Donatello never showed up. The blood. His broken and mangled brother, lying on the floor, an inch away from death itself. The realization that _his_ pet, _his_ Spike, was the reason his brother was almost dead. All of the blood, everywhere, draining the life from Donatello and the hope from Raphael simultaneously.

                Climbing out of the sewers and into the light above, Raphael quickly made his way to the top of a nearby building before the flood of memories proved too much. He punched the concrete wall several times as hard as he could in frustration and anger at himself and at the situation, collapsing to his knees and screaming as he realized that all of this was _his_ fault. How could he do this to his brother?

~

                It was hard to keep up with a turtle moving through the sewer systems, especially when said turtle had lived here his whole life and knew the way around perfectly. For Casey Jones, the going was a little tougher. He had told Leo, Mikey and April to stay behind and care for Donatello, knowing full well that they were stronger and more qualified to do so than he was. Besides, he and Raph were quite close, and he felt that he would be the best candidate to get through and find out what was wrong with the hotheaded turtle. He silently cursed his decision as Raphael flew ahead, out of Casey’s line of sight and far enough ahead that Casey dragged behind, his pants soaking wet and water filling his shoes. Luckily the sounds of grunting, cursing and water splashing could still be heard, giving Casey an idea of which direction to take so that he was not completely lost. Hearing a heavy slam he quickened his pace as fast as he could, reaching a dead end and looking up to barely make out a manhole cover. Silently thanking Raphael for getting them out of this cold and slimy hell, he started up the ladder, taking extra care with his wet shoes not to slip and fall back into the water below. Lifting the cover he closed his eyes and breathed in the warm, fresh air, happy to be back above ground. Despite the love he had for his turtle friends and the times spent with them, being in the sewers was far from his ideal hangout destination. Closing the cover behind him, he sighed as he realized that Raphael was nowhere to be seen, that he had no idea where his friend had gone.

                Then he heard it. A piercing scream, shooting through the thick fog, emanating from the building right above him. Scrambling to find the nearest fire escape he made his way to the roof, only to find his friend on his hands and knees, appearing almost dazed as more screams came from his body. Casey ran up to him and without thinking shoved him, causing Raphael to stumble and fall over, his screams ceasing. Casey ran up to him, feeling relief as life came back into Raph’s eyes as he assessed what just happened, but also feeling frustration rise in his chest.

                “What the heck, bro!? Do you _want_ people to hear you and come up here to see you freaking out? Why are you screaming like that!?” Casey yelled as he walked over to his friend, holding out a hand to help him up, but Raphael just swatted it away and got up himself. Anger laced his features once more.

                “Why are you even here, Casey? Are you trying to help me? Because if so, you’re doing a stand up job! Some friend you are!” Raphael shouted back, shoving Casey in the chest as he said so.

                “Look, dude, I’m here to tell you stop being a baby and get back to Donnie! He needs you there, man! What if he wakes up and sees you’ve disappeared? How do you think he’s going to feel?!” Casey shoved him back, and the two of them glared at each other as the shoving match continued.

                “How do you know Donnie would even want me there?!” Raph continued to yell, “Maybe I don’t deserve to be there when he wakes up,” he stated, his voice faltering in the end as he looked to the ground, suddenly stopping his assault. Casey froze, noticing the sudden change in Raph’s demeanor as he walked up to his friend, putting a hand on his shoulder. Looking into Raphael’s eyes, Casey could see they were brimming with tears and filled with pain.

                “Raph, _dude._ What aren’t you telling me? What’s going on?” He said softly, bringing Raphael to sit down as he threw himself down beside his friend. Raphael looked at him, gently rubbing his throbbing knuckles, and sighed. A small tear rolled down his cheek, but he wiped it away quickly and pretended it didn’t happen. Since when did he _cry_?

                “It’s all my fault,” he said thickly, more tears threatening to spill as he swallowed a lump in his throat, willing himself to keep his composure but slowly failing. “It’s _my_ fault Donnie almost died. It’s _my_ fault he’s barely holding on to life as it is,” he rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand, the burn of tears springing to life not ceasing but growing stronger. He turned his head away from Casey so he wouldn’t see.

                Casey just stared at him dumbfounded. “Raphael, _how_ can you say something so _stupid_?” He almost chuckled, the thought was so preposterous. He shook Raph’s shoulder to get his attention back and gasped when Raph turned to him, tears now flowing down his cheeks.  “Dude, you can’t be serious. None of this is your fault, don’t be ridiculous.”

                Raph chuckled bitterly and looked forward into the distance. “Not my fault, yea? Who brought Spike into the lair? Who took Donnie’s mutagen and turned him into Slash? Who told Donnie to go out on his own despite his hesitations? It was _me_ , Casey! If I had never told Donnie to separate, if I had never gotten so angry that day Spike turned into Slash, if Spike had never existed in the first place..” Raphael continued, closing his eyes and gritting his teeth as he swirled in self-pity.

                Casey couldn’t take one more minute of Raphael’s painful exaggerations. He took his shoulder and slammed it into Raphael, once more causing him to snap out of his dark reverie. Raphael simply stared at him with wide eyes, shocked at the sudden change in activity. Casey got to his knees and knelt in front of Raphael, grabbing him by his shoulders and shaking him.       

                “Raph, will you just _stop?!_ I don’t know where all of this is coming from, but it’s not your fault, dude! You couldn’t have known Slash was still around, that he’d be that far out of town. You couldn’t have known Donnie was in danger that day. I don’t think _anything_ could have prevented it, whether you were there or not. There would just be two of you lying on the medical cot right now. All I know is this – Donnie needs you. Your _family_ needs you. We all need you, man,” Casey said, his voice becoming soft at the end. Raphael just stared at him, Casey’s words flowing through his mind and trying to weave around the painful memories, blanketing them from realizing in his thoughts. It was true, he couldn’t have known all those years ago that Spike would become a mutant, let alone a murderer. He also had no idea that Slash wandered the rooftops of their faraway location, waiting to pounce on the nearest victim, about to wreak havoc on his brother while he wasn’t there.

                _If none of this is my fault, then why do I feel so guilty?_ Raph wondered to himself, but shoved those questions to the back of his mind as he thought about what Casey said. His brother was lying there, barely alive, and yet was possibly going to wake up at any minute. What kind of brother would he be if he wasn’t there? And what about his other brothers? They needed his strength and comfort at this time, and he wasn’t there for them. Taking in a huge breath he swallowed all of his emotions and pain, hardening his resolve and looking at Casey. Smiling, he punched him in the arm.

                “Thanks for coming out to get me, you moron,” he said, getting up and offering Casey a hand. Grabbing it, he pulled himself up and slapped Raph on the shell.

                “Anytime, idiot. But hey, Raph?” Casey questioned, and Raphael turned to look at him. “He’ll be alright, okay? None of this is your fault, dude.” He said seriously, and Raph nodded, although he wasn’t sure he was entirely convinced. Not pausing to consider that last fact, he turned to go back into the sewers, hoping his brothers could provide the comfort and answers he was searching for. They were all that mattered at this point.

                 Jumping off of the roof, he pulled aside the manhole cover and watched his friend climb down before jumping into the sewers himself, beginning the journey back towards his family and the surrounding chaos.


	4. Fallen Heroes and Forgiveness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At the end of the day, all it takes are family and friends to bring you back from the brink of darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Here is the next chapter to the story! I really hope you enjoy it :)

                The room was completely silent, so quiet that the continuous dripping of Donnie’s makeshift IV bag could be heard, the morphine within coursing its way through his body and dulling his pain. Donatello remained still on the cot, his comatose body not moving, his drugged mind far away from the inside of his lab as he struggled to hold on to life. His hands, no longer bound to the cot, were the only moving parts as they trembled from the recent trauma his body sustained.

                Donatello wasn’t alone in the lab, though, as three other bodies surrounded him. They monitored his status and hoped for him to wake up, all while trying to remain positive despite the passing of each hour. Master Splinter had gone off to his room to clean up and recuperate from the ordeal that had happened not long before. April stayed close to Donnie’s right side, adjusting his bandages every half hour and checking on the IV every so often to make sure it was working correctly. When not working she sat rigid in her chair, hands balled into fists and teeth biting down on her lip and she silently mulled everything over, condemning herself for not being more competent in the medical field in order to better serve her friend. She consistently ran over all of the procedures she had performed that night, looking for alternative methods she could have used and scolding herself for her handiwork in some areas. She sighed deeply, feeling the weight of Donnie’s potential outcome and subsequent life on her shoulders, and gently placed her hand on his arm. _Please forgive me for what I’ve done to you, you deserved so much better,_ she pleaded to him silently as she leaned back and checked his IV once more.

                At the foot of his bed, another cot was set up and was being occupied by Mikey, who was attempting to distract himself from the darkness around him by reading a comic book but failing. Staring at the pages in front of him but not seeing anything, his thoughts wandered to Raphael, who had run out a few hours before and had still not returned. Realizing that his brother had not been present during the whole surgery, he felt a pang of guilt, since it was he who usually brought all the brothers together when they were apart. _Well, at least when Donnie’s out of commission,_ he thought sullenly. _Usually he serves as the super glue to our brotherly existence._ He was going to run after Raph when he left, but his partial medical knowledge and duty towards his injured brother kept him planted where he was. Luckily, he had Casey there to take his place, and he knew that Casey was probably one of the better choices for this endeavor. His stubborn attitude would _not_ take no for an answer. _We’ll all be together again soon,_ Mikey thought to himself as he looked towards Donatello’s still frame on the bed. _Then we can ALL begin to heal together, as a family._

                Leonardo wasn’t able to sit at all, instead choosing to pace back and forth along the left side of Donnie’s body. He kept glancing towards his brother, hoping for some change in status, but feeling his heart break every time as no improvement could be seen. At the same time, he was worried about Raph, who had been acting extremely out of character the whole day and had run out unexpectedly when things seemed to be looking better. Casey had told them he would take care of it, running out after him, but that had been hours ago and no word had been heard from either of them. Leo found himself clutching his T-Phone, sending out a bunch of texts to both Raphael and Casey but hearing nothing in return. He groaned and rubbed his face in frustration.

                “Where _are_ those guys, anyways?!” He screamed as he threw his arms up in exasperation, but shrunk as he realized his volume was too loud and might have disturbed the figure lying in front of him. April and Mikey turned to look at him, their faces laced with both sympathy and concern. Forcing himself to sit down in a chair, Leo sighed as he threw his phone on the table next to him. “It’s been almost four hours, guys,” He said in a lower tone of voice, looking down and feeling the worry rise in his chest once more, “they should be back by now.”

                “Raph can take care of himself, Leo, and I’m sure Casey has found him by now. Maybe Raphael just needs to clear his head or something, we’ve all had a stressful day today and some of us handle it differently,” April reasoned, trying to console Leo and ease his concern. Leo smiled at her in appreciation but that smile quickly faded.

                “I just don’t like the thought of the two of them being out there by themselves right now,” Leo whispered as he rubbed his legs with his hands nervously.

                “They’re not sitting ducks, Leo; they can fend for themselves out there!” April exclaimed, feeling slightly frustrated at Leo’s doubt towards Casey and his own brother’s fighting ability.

                “But they can’t fight _him_ on their own,” Mikey whispered as he sat up and looked at Donnie, causing April and Leo to look his way and then down to the ground as they all realized who he was talking about. “If Slash is out there,” he continued, “I don’t want my brother or Casey to be. Not until we’ve gotten strong again.” Getting up, he went over to Donnie’s coffee machine placed in the corner of the lab, for the times when his experiments long outlasted his ability to stay awake. Turning it on, he set up five mugs and turned to look at them, his eyes shining with wetness but his face hardened. “It’s going to be a long night,” he stated simply.

~

                It was not even a half hour later that Casey and Raph came in, soaking wet from the sewers but surrounded by an air of calmness and determination.

                “Is that coffee I smell? ‘Because I sure could use some right about now,” Casey quipped, walking over to the machine and grabbing a mug, downing half of it in one shot. “Whatever dude invented this stuff, I thank him immensely,” he joked, and April rolled her eyes at him as she threw a towel at his face.

                “What took you so long to get back?” she yelled at him, but her voice was filled with relief that he had finally returned back to the lab. Even she had begun to worry at their extended absence. “You’re dripping all over the floor, Casey! Dry yourself off before you make a mess! And what is that _smell_ anyways?” She wrinkled her nose, and he giggled.

                “Eau de sewage?” He walked up to her and Donnie as he put his mug down and dried himself as best he could with the towel. Glancing over Donnie’s body, he frowned. “Any change yet?” He asked sadly, putting his hand on Donnie’s shoulder gently and furrowing his brows. April shook her head no, and he gritted his teeth. “Casey Jones is going to make that dude pay for what he did to Donnie,” he growled, sitting down next to the cot and sipping his coffee silently.

                Leo and Mikey had run over to Raphael as he entered the door to the lab, throwing themselves on him in a group hug. He hugged them back tightly, feeling his entire resolve fading and the emotions of the day coming back to him once more. “I’m so sorry guys,” he whispered, and he felt their grips tighten on him. After another minute of embracing, the brothers broke apart, and Leo brought Raph to a chair, sitting him down and handing him a towel to dry himself. Mikey came around with a mug of coffee, and the two of them sat there, looking to Raphael expectedly for an answer to his sudden emotional outburst. Casey and April came around as well, grabbing chairs and joining the circle. Raphael looked at them wide-eyed.

                “Donnie?” he questioned, looking towards his brother who was lying still on the cot, but feeling unable to go up and see him just yet. Nerves twisted his stomach, and he tightened his grip on the coffee mug.

                “He’s alive, Raph. No positive change in his status yet, but there hasn’t been a negative one either. We’ll get there,” April said softly, offering him a smile, and he heaved a sigh of relief before smiling slightly.

                “What’s going on, Raph? Why did you run out on us? On _him_? What’s going on in your head?” Leo questioned, the second one coming out with a bit more force than he intended. Raphael looked at him, the fear evident in his eyes, but he put his coffee mug down and hardened his resolve. The others sat around him, waiting intently for his answers.

                “It’s all my fault,” was all he could say before a catch in his throat caused him to silence his words. Leo and Mikey looked at each other in confusion but Casey just moaned in exasperation.

                “Dude, I _told_ you to stop blaming yourself! It was out of your control!” He started, but April cut him off before he could continue.

                “Let him finish, Casey.” She said, nodding at Raph who smiled at her in appreciation. He put his hands on his knees and blew out a breath.

                “When we separated, you and Mikey went north and Donnie and I went south. We were so close, _so close,_ to catching those Purple Dragons and stopping them in their tracks. The cold was beginning to get to Donnie and so I told him we should separate, that I would go on and circle back to catch them from in front, while he trapped them from behind. He tried to stop me. He tried to tell me how stupid this plan was, that he didn’t feel comfortable going out on a solo mission. But I was stubborn, I thought I was leader, and I just ignored him! The next thing I know, he’s calling me, but there’s no answer on his end. He’s late to come and meet me, and we never end up trapping the Dragons. I have no idea where he is; I call you guys and then we find…” his voice broke and he stopped before he could finish the point, instead gesturing towards Donatello’s body. A single tear fell from his eye and he sniffed, rubbing his nose and wiping the tear in one quick swipe. “If I had just _stayed_ with Donnie, if I had _never_ taken his mutagen, if I had never even _adopted_ Spike-“

                “Stop.” Leo cut him off before he could continue, and his voice was so serious and aggressive that everyone turned to look at him. “You can’t seriously think that any of this is your fault, Raph!” he growled in frustration.

                “But I left him..” Raph started, but Mikey cut in before he could go on. 

                “And how many times have we left each other during missions, bro? Leo’s run off with Karai, or tried to find mutagen on his own,” Mikey said, silently apologizing to Leo for bringing up his dalliances with Karai.

                “I’ve run off so many times, sometimes leaving you guys behind, because I wanted to scope out the mission or solve things on my own,” April added, her tone slightly sheepish as she realized how often she actually did this.

                “Even Donnie has run off by himself before, not stopping to question if it was the right move or not. Remember Mister O’Neil?” Mikey questioned.

                “Or the Pulverizer,” Leo added.

                “Or when I left to face off with the Speed Demon,” Casey joined in.

                “Which was a terrible idea,” April pointed out, and Casey just laughed.

                “The point of the matter is, we’ve all run off before without stopping to ask whether it was right or not. Most of the time it was for the better, and there was a positive outcome. But it was never in our control, Raph! We could never know whether it was going to turn out alright or not. It was the chance we took to get the job done!” Leo said, his voice full of passion for what he was saying.

                “And Donnie always knew the risk, too,” Mikey whispered. “He knew that something could go wrong when you left him, and yet, he didn’t fight harder. Deep down, he probably knew that your plan was the right one. Otherwise, don’t you think he would have fought harder? Or called Leo and I and told us to come get him?” he said, and Raph looked to him in shock.

                “Mikey…you’re right,” he said with a note of surprise in his voice. “You’re all right. I _know_ you are. But guilt is guilt, and I’ll probably always feel some degree of it,” he said gently, and Leo put a hand on his shoulder.

                “That’s probably the human part of you coming through,” he said, and they both chuckled.

                “Who would have thought that Raph even _had_ a heart!?” Mikey joked, and everyone laughed. Raph grabbed Mikey in a headlock, putting his other arm around Leo.

                “Thanks guys, for bringing me back. I really needed that,” he said sheepishly, a blush crawling on his cheeks for his moment of vulnerability. Another group hug occurred, before everyone went back to their original spots – April by Donnie’s side, checking the bandages. Leo pacing back and forth in an attempt to come up with a game plan for when Donnie woke up. Mikey on the end of his bed, finally able to focus on his comic book as he awaited his brother’s awakening, confident that with everyone by his side, it would happen soon. Casey on Donnie’s other side, downing yet another cup of coffee. Raphael walked up to Donatello, finally taking in his entire form - injuries and all - before placing a hand gently on his forehead.

                “I’m here now Donnie, for good. I’m not going anywhere,” he whispered, his heart skipping a beat as he realized that his brother was awake, his eyes opened and staring directly at him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to leave comments or anything! Thanks for continuing to read!


	5. Heartbreaks and Heroes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Every parting gives a foretaste of death, every reunion a hint of the resurrection.   
>  \- Arthur Schopenhauer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everybody! Thanks for sticking around as long as you have, the story is still warming up! Its going to REALLY start in the next chapter, so keep on reading! :)  
> This one has a bit of Leotello brotherly fluff,...hope you all enjoy! :)

               The pain was unbearable. A fire coursing through his veins, pulling at his muscles and dragging through his limbs, blurring his vision and clouding his mind. Despite the adjacent numbness that seemed to place itself through his body, it was no match for the paralyzing agony taking his body into its grasp. Donatello, as disoriented as he was, could feel himself struggling to stay afloat; his body trying so hard to keep itself functioning despite the distress it was in. He had no concept of time, location or even surroundings – it was as if a veil of bright light surrounded his ability to think, the potential thoughts drifting away as quickly as they came just like a balloon being released into the wind.

                His mind, in an attempt to try and restore itself to its more lucid and brilliant state, caused the blinding light to recede momentarily. Were his eyes open now? Donatello couldn’t even bring himself to figure that out. However, he could almost see them – figures moving in front of him, getting close and then backing away; a soft pounding against his eardrums as they did so. Were they even real or hallucinations brought on by his state of mind? What was going on? Why was he hurting so badly? His fragile mind tried hard to wrap around these questions in an attempt to find answers, but all he could realize was the torture his body was undergoing and the fact that there was nothing he could do about it.

~

                “Guys?! I don’t know what’s happening but Donnie’s looking at me and..” Raphael trailed off, his eyes going wide and his body freezing as he realized he had no idea what to do concerning this new revelation. April, Mikey, Casey and Leo ran up to the bed, their gasps of shock and happiness piercing through the entire lair. April and Mikey began assessing Donnie’s physical state while Casey attempted to get his attention. Leo put his hand on Raph’s shoulder, a gesture meant to calm the rising panic and uncertainty of the red-masked turtle.

                “It’s okay Raph, this is a good thing, at least I think so! Run and get Splinter, I know he’s going to want to be here for this,” Leo grinned excitedly, his tone reassuring towards his brother. Raph simply nodded and breathed out a large breath before running out of the lab to get their father.

                Leo turned towards the action going on around the bed and realized he wasn’t sure if he liked what he saw. His brother was covered in a layer of sweat, his body trembling and jerking as if in a great deal of pain that he was attempting to get rid of. His eyes were foggy and unfocused, as if he wasn’t even present in the room, and he bit his lip hard enough that it began to bleed. Most disconcerting were the cries, sobs and moans he emitted, a sure sign that he was struggling greatly concerning his physical state. Leo ran next to the cot, out of the way of Mikey and April, and grabbed the side bars.

                “What’s happening, April?” He questioned, although it came out through gritted teeth. Seeing his brother in this state was beginning to bring him back to when they found him on the rooftop – an image he wished he didn’t have to see again.

                April sighed in frustration and exasperation as she checked on his bandages and then on his IV drip. “I think this is just momentary; him being awake, I mean. He’s not even awake, really. I think this is just his body attempting to work through all of the damage it’s sustained,” she wiped her forehead with her arm, before lowering her chin in resignation. “There’s nothing we can do, Leo. Not until he goes under again, which is bound to happen eventually. I mean, he has to exhaust himself sometime, right?” She questioned with uncertainty, a note of panic evident in her voice. She looked to the others for consolation and answers, but unfortunately neither came as they were also in the same boat she was.

                “So that means we’re going to have to just sit here and watch him suffer while we do _nothing?_ ” Mikey questioned, his tone soft with the realization that they were all useless at this point in time.

                “I’m afraid so, Mikey,” April replied gently, and with that the four of them lowered their heads, the guilt of the situation weighing heavily on their hearts.        

                “Now is not the time to grieve, my children, but to rejoice at the fact that Donatello is here,” Splinter said as he entered the lab, coming up to the cot and putting a hand on April’s shoulder. “You have all done a wonderful job so far, and without your efforts my son would not be living right now, let alone be semi-present on this bed. You should all be proud of yourselves; I know that you have made me proud,” he smiled, putting an arm around Mikey and Raphael, who leaned into his comfort willingly. Casey and Leo smiled at each other before running around to April and hugging her. This eventually turned into a group hug, with everyone laughing tiredly at all they _did_ accomplish concerning Donatello. Who would have thought they would have made it _this_ far?

                “So what do we do now, Sensei?” Leo questioned, going back to sit next to Donatello and placing his hand on his brother’s quaking arm to slow it down.

                “We wait. Donatello is strong, and I know with time he will overcome this. With all of us here, he will feel our presence and grow stronger in it. Then, the real fight begins.” Splinter lowered himself to a chair on the other side, placing his hand on Donatello’s shoulder and closing his eyes. “Of course, a few healing mantras wouldn’t hurt,” he smiled before going into his own mind and reciting some of the chants he learned as a child.

                “I’m going to go make some more coffee, we’ve run dry and I _think_ we’re going to need some more,” Casey smirked before getting up to grab some more coffee from the kitchen. April decided to follow him, needing to free herself of the lab for a little bit. Mikey and Raphael sat around the table at the foot of the bed, casting glances every few seconds at their brother in case a change of behavior occurred. The moans and twitches, though softening in tone, did not cease in frequency.

~

                “What’s going on, Red?” Casey questioned in concern as he sifted through the cupboards for more containers of coffee.

                April leaned on the kitchen counter and chewed her lip, deep in thought. Was she alright? She almost single-handedly saved her best friend from dying, and she continued to keep him alive as much as his body protested, so why was she feeling so shaken up?

                “What if my efforts weren’t enough? What if I did something wrong and messed him up, Casey? I’m in way over my head, and I don’t have all the answers, I don’t..” She could feel her lip trembling, the emotions of the previous days beginning to overwhelm her. Wiping a tear before it was able to fall, she suddenly felt Casey come up behind her and turned, only to be enveloped by a hug.

                “You saved him, Red. Nothing else matters. _Nothing_.” He said softly, and his tone of voice was so unlike Casey that April couldn’t help but believe him. “We’ll work out the kinks once he comes around, but just remember he’s only around because you were there to keep him that way.” Grabbing April by the shoulders, he stared at her and grinned, before winking. “You were pretty awesome out there, I have to say. A career as a doctor is definitely in your future,” he said, scooping up the three containers he managed to find before walking back towards the lab. “We’re definitely going to need a coffee run soon,” he sighed.

                April could feel her resolve coming back, the determination to see her best friend through to his previous state returned in full force. “Hey Casey,” she shouted, causing him to turn around and almost drop one of the coffee tins on the ground. She grabbed one and smiled at him before joining him in their return to the lab. “Thanks,” she said sheepishly, and they both smiled.

~

                An hour and a half had passed and Donatello’s state had not changed. Splinter continued to recite healing mantras over his son, stopping every so often to have a sip of coffee provided by Casey. The turtles, Casey and April all clutched their own mug, the warmth comforting them and the caffeine sustaining them. Placing her mug on the table, April went over to Donatello to check on his bandages, cleaning out his wounds and putting fresh covers on them. As she went to check his injured plastron, she was taken aback as his body suddenly tensed and Donatello began crying out in pain. Sobs emanated from his mouth, and his body shook from head to toe.

                “I’m so sorry, Donnie, please calm down,” April whispered, trying to soothe him by rubbing his shoulder. Unfortunately, none of this registered with the turtle and his body continued to react in shock.

                Leonardo could no longer sit by and watch his brother suffer – every passing minute was a blow to his heart as flashbacks of his mangled body laying there coursed through his mind. Kneeling next to the bed he grabbed Donatello’s face and held it tightly, pointing it towards his own face in an attempt to get Donnie to concentrate.

                “Look at me, Donnie; I know you can hear me in there. Focus on me; I’m right here with you and I’m not letting you go. Please, just look at me and focus on me,” he said, his tone becoming more pleading with every passing moment. Donnie’s gasps and shakes slowed down as he shifted his eyes in Leo’s direction; Leo wasn’t sure if Donnie could even see or hear him, but he seized the opportunity and continued on, not letting his brother lose focus and return to his pain.

                “We’re all here with you, Donnie. Me, Raph, Splinter, Mikey, Casey and April. We’re not leaving until you get better. We’re going to sit here with you until you wake up for real, and we’re going to throw a party when it happens,” Leo chuckled, his eyes glinting with humor and affection. “And once you wake up, we’re going to fix you and get you back to the Donatello we all know and love. You’ll work hard, you always do, and we’re going to be by your side the entire time. You’re going to be so sick of us; we’re going to be around so much. I know you’re hurting right now, more than any of us can understand, but you’re going to fight through it because you’re Donatello and you never let anyone or anything stand in your way of getting better. You’re smart and you’re strong and you’re so much better than me in all ways, and we need you here. _I_ need you here. Just close your eyes and go back to sleep, buddy, so we can start getting you better for real,” Leo whispered soothingly, rubbing his thumb on Donnie’s forehead gently. Donnie’s gaze remained fixed on Leo as his eyes became heavy lidded, his sobs and moans ceasing and his body calming down. Leo smiled at his younger brother, and for a small instance he almost saw his brother smile back. “Sleep well, Donnie,” he said softly, and at that instance Donatello’s eyes closed and he drifted back into slumber.

                Heaving a heavy sigh of relief, Leonardo got up and stretched, only to find the room entirely silent as everyone stared at him. With a blush creeping up on his cheeks he silently questioned them, not knowing what all of the fuss was about.

                “Dude, you’ve never spoken to _me_ like that, even when I was having terrible nightmares!” Mikey pointed out, crossing his arms and huffing jokingly. Leo shot him a puzzled look.

                “What are you even talking about?” He laughed, confusion evident on his face.

                “You turned into Major Big Brother mode,” Raph grinned, slapping him on the shoulder. “I’ve seen Fearless Leader many times, but _rarely_ have I seen Loving Older Brother!” he chuckled.

                “Come on guys, it worked, didn’t it?!” Leo blushed further, pointing to Donnie’s now-sleeping state. “Now he can finally get the rest he needs, right?” he smiled at his brother affectionately. April came up next to him and put an arm around him.      

                “He’s definitely going to get better now,” she stated, smiling.

                “And why’s that?” Leo questioned.

                “Because he has the best brother in the world looking after him,” she said, tightening her grip on Leo, who hugged her back. They both stood there watching Donnie sleep peacefully, finally convinced that everything was going to be alright, not only for Donatello but for them as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to comment or give feedback! Hopefully next chapter up next Monday!


	6. Rebirth and Renewal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Donatello wakes up for good, friends and family find their spirits lifting significantly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS CHAPTER TOOK ME SO LONG TO WRITE!!  
> It was just so many perspectives placed in one chapter, and getting into the mindset of each one took some time and patience.  
> I apologize for the length of time it took to get this chapter out, I have been down with some sort of illness for quite some time and wasn't up to writing much :)
> 
> I will try and get the next chapter up ASAP! :)

                It had been two weeks since Donatello had last woken up. Two long weeks of waiting, sitting around and generally not knowing what to do. The turtles, April and Casey had been in the lab for so long, clinging desperately to the wish that Donnie would wake up at any minute, feeling disappointed when that hope was not fulfilled. Eventually Splinter had forcefully removed them from the lab despite their protests, recognizing their need for rest and rejuvenation despite their blindness to it. After a quick run home to restock supplies and take a nice and long hot shower, April and Casey found themselves back with the turtles in the kitchen, contemplating what to do now that they weren’t minding Donnie. Sitting around the counter eating Mikey’s homemade pepperoni and cheese pizza, the mood was somber and the room was quiet as each individual considered the situation at hand.

                “What if he never wakes up?” Mikey whispered quietly, giving a voice to the question that plagued everyone’s mind. “Like, what if he stays that way forever?” Putting his slice of pizza down, he ducked his head in an attempt to hide his tear-filled eyes.

                “He’s going to wake up, Mikey,” Raphael consoled, placing a hand on Mikey’s shoulder and rubbing it gently.

                “But what makes you so sure, Raph?” Casey said, his voice unsteady as he grabbed another slice of pizza. “It’s been two weeks and there hasn’t been any change!”

                “That’s not completely true,” April stated, pouring herself a glass of juice and smiling slightly. “His wounds have healed considerably, so much so that he might even be able to use them when he wakes up! The fact that his outside wounds are healing must imply that-“

                “His inner ones are too.” Leonardo finished her statement, standing up and facing the crowd around the table, a wide grin on his face. “And you know what makes _me_ sure that it’ll all be alright? That he’ll come back to us?”

                “Because he’s strong,” Raphael stated, a smile forming on his lips.

                “Because he’s Donnie,” Mikey added.

                “Because we need him,” April finished, and everybody agreed silently.

                “Because we need him,” Leo repeated, knowing that without Donnie, none of them were really anything at all.

~

                The light was almost too bright, as if the area surrounding him wasn’t actually real and he was floating in another universe. Squinting his eyes and forcing his brain to focus, he could see the world around him coming back to life. The first thing that came to him was the pain – although not the fire he had once felt flowing through his veins; this was a dull throb pushing through his limbs, springing from all extremities. It was as if the weight of a thousand elephants were placed on him, rendering him unable to move. His mouth and throat were parched, his tongue as dry as a desert landscape. Finally, he realized just how empty his plastron felt, as if something was missing and he was exposed to the outside world. Attempting to move despite the pain, he realized he couldn’t get very far before a pair of hands pushed him back down gently, running across his forehead and shoulders in an attempt to soothe him. He could feel his body relax under the touch as he rejoiced internally at the refreshing coolness of water being poured into his mouth. Swallowing thickly, he finally focused his eyes on his keeper and smiled weakly when he saw it was his father hovering above.

~

                “Welcome back, my son,” Splinter whispered as he placed a hand on Donatello’s forehead, his voice laced with emotion. “Can you hear me? How are you feeling?”

                Donatello nodded slowly, another small smile creeping up on his features. Attempting to form words caused his dry throat to close up, and he began to cough. Splinter poured more water into his mouth and eventually the coughing ceased. He turned his head slightly to look at his father, only to find himself shocked at Splinter’s facial expression. It contained pain, sure, but he had never seen such joy and overwhelming relief in his father’s eyes before. Despite his protesting limbs, Donnie forced his arm to move stiffly towards Splinter, touching his father’s arm in comfort.  Tears formed in Splinter’s eyes as he grabbed his son’s hand and held it tight.

                “You’re already doing so well, my son. We will get you back to your old self in no time,” he stated joyfully.

                “What happened?” Donatello forced out, his voice raspy and weak.

                “What do you remember?” Splinter asked, drawing closer to his son to hear him better. Donnie closed his eyes, a frown forming on his face.

                “Slash.” The words sent a shiver down his spine, and suddenly a flood of memories came into Donnie’s thoughts. His muscles tensed, but he tried to suppress the memories piercing through his mind. That was problem for another day. “How long have I been out?” He dreaded the answer, knowing what it was based on the stiffness of his limbs and the dryness of his mouth. It seemed his brain was getting back to normal, too.

                “What matters now is not how long you’ve been asleep, but how we are going to make you strong again. That starts with your family, who I am sure are dying to be with you right now,” Splinter smiled, getting up and giving Donnie some more water. “I will go and let them know you are awake. I’m sure the news will be the best thing they’ve heard for a long while,” Splinter said as he walked towards the exit.

                “Sensei?” Donnie questioned weakly, causing Splinter to turn in concern. “Maybe just one at a time? I don’t think I have the mental capacity to handle everyone at once right now,” he chuckled softly, and Splinter smiled affectionately.

                “Your brothers _are_ quite a handful, I agree. One at a time sounds like a good idea, my son.” Splinter said, going to leave but stopping at the door one last time.

                “The day you came in after being attacked was the scariest day of my life, Donatello. Despite always knowing you would pull through, I have never been more relieved to see you awake and joking than I am right now. I love you, my son.” Bowing his head, he quietly left the lab as Donatello thought about how lucky he was to have Splinter as his father.

~

                Donatello had never seen Casey Jones act so excited to see him before. He had run into the lab as if his life depended on it, his face lighting up with joy when he noticed that the turtle _was_ actually awake and lucid. Coming up to the bed he was almost at a loss for words, causing Donnie to chuckle as he watched his friend implode internally.

                “Miss me that much, Jones?” He joked hoarsely. Casey chuckled, throwing himself down onto the chair next to Donnie and rubbing his face.

                “Dude, you don’t even know...We’ve been waiting _weeks_ for this moment…I haven’t been home or had a proper sleep…showered once…” His thoughts came out in pieces as he struggled to form a coherent sentence. “Like, you almost _died,_ dude. I thought we were going to _lose_ you…When I saw you that first time, when I came to pick you up I just…” Casey looked away as his sentence trailed off, as if he were reliving the moment. Donnie could feel his throat tighten slightly at the distress his friend was experiencing.

                “I’m here now though, right?” Donnie smiled weakly, breaking his friend out of his reverie and causing him to laugh.

                “That’s right. Now you have to deal with me and my big mouth again,” Casey joked, placing a hand on Donnie’s arm. “It’s a shame you couldn’t stay down a little longer though, I was making such progress with April,” He winked, causing Donatello to laugh harder than he should have, as pain coursed through his body.

                “Damn you, Casey! You just love causing me pain in all ways, don’t you?” Donatello replied sarcastically, closing his eyes and smiling. “I guess you’ll just be banned from my next mechanical project. That’s your punishment.” Opening one eye to look at his friend, he laughed softly at Casey’s distraught face.

                “As if you’d be able to finish anything at this rate without my help,” Casey snapped back playfully, and both realized that this statement was actually true.  All of sudden Casey let out a large yawn, causing Donnie to raise an eyebrow.

                “Idiot. Forgoing sleep for my sake. How dare you,” He joked, and he and Casey shared a moment of silence before Casey cleared his throat.

                “I really was afraid. That you wouldn’t wake up, I mean.” He said quietly.

                “I know,” Donnie said, his voice thick with emotion. “I’m sorry for scaring you like that.”

                “It wasn’t your fault,” Casey said incredulously. “Just don’t do it again, okay?”

                “Well yes, because once I’m back on my feet the first thing I’m going to do is search for a gigantic psychopath turtle on the rooftops,” Donnie mused, and Casey laughed.

                “I guess you have a point. We’ll just keep you locked up in the basement forever so that doesn’t happen.” Casey winked as he got up. “It’s good to have you back, Donnie.”

                “It’s good to be back,” Donnie stated, forming his good hand into a fist so he could bump with Casey’s. “Now will you go get some sleep? You look even more terrible than usual,” he said, a grin forming on his face.

                “That’s rich coming from you,” Casey grinned as he walked to the door. “I’ll send in the next poor soul who gets to stare at your ugly face,” he laughed, slipping out the door before Donatello could say anything back, rejoicing at the fact that Donatello _could_ reply back.

~

                Donatello had dozed off for a couple of minutes, no doubt while the others fought outside for the right to the next visit. The sudden feeling of the cot’s mattress dipping woke him from his mild slumber, and he opened his eyes only to be startled by the closeness of Mikey’s face to his.

                “How are you doing, Don? Are you feeling alright? Are you hungry? I brought you a piece of your favorite pizza, if you want..” He smiled sheepishly as he held up the plate, and the smell of the pizza made Donatello’s stomach growl intensely. He realized that it had been an extremely long time since his last meal, and he grinned appreciatively.

                “You know, it _has_ been a while since I’ve been able to enjoy a slice,” he chuckled, holding open his mouth so Mikey could feed him. The hot, cheesy slice was glorious, the flavors reigniting his taste buds and bringing his nerves back to life. He closed his eyes and hummed with happiness. “My God, I have missed this,” he said in between bites. Mikey just sat there, grinning.

                “I can’t _wait_ for you to get up and moving Donnie. I have so many ideas for upgrades on the Shellraiser, and I accidentally broke the pinball machine before. We still need to figure out what that mysterious Kraang piece is, and you still owe me a rematch in our video games. Oh, and –“

                “Woah, Mikey, calm down! I’m not even able to walk yet!” Donnie laughed softly, admiring his brother’s spirit and never-ending enthusiasm. Michelangelo just knelt next to him and bounced slightly with excitement, face red and out of breath.

                “Sorry bro, you just don’t understand what it was _like_ all these weeks. It wasn’t just the sitting around waiting for you, which was stressful and hard enough for a turtle like me, as you can imagine,” Mikey laughed, and Donnie shuddered with the thought of his energetic and hyper brother being subdued and stuck in a room for a long period of time. A sudden love for his younger brother pierced his heart as Donnie considered the effort and sacrifices Mikey had made in order to remain by Donnie’s side while he was recovering. How hard it must have been for the turtle to remain in one spot for that long!

                “Thanks, Mikey. I’m sure I wouldn’t have recovered as fast without you there,” Donnie said softly, and Mikey gave him a thumbs up.

                “No problem, bro. As I was saying, I love Raph and Leo, but they’re just not as fun as you Don,” Mikey continued, a blush forming on his cheeks. “The fact that you’re back means life can go back to normal again,” he whispered.

                Once again Donnie felt himself getting choked up by his brother’s output of emotion. Swallowing back his potential overflow of feelings, he slowly put a hand on Mikey’s arm and shook it gently, snapping Mikey back to his old self. They smiled at each other briefly before Mikey jumped up off the cot.

                “Guess my time is up now, I can practically hear the others in my head telling me to hurry up,” he joked, and Donnie laughed at the thought of his friends and family convening in the hallway, awaiting their turn to see him.

                “I think you should go and make me another one of those pizzas, for when I’m up and walking,” Donnie winked at him, and Mikey chuckled.

                “Will do bro, and I’ll also write up all of the projects we need to work on for when you’re up and running again!” Mikey stated, the glee evident in his tone.

                “I can’t wait,” Donnie said as he watched his brother run out of the lab excitedly, and he meant every word of it.

~

                “Donnie, you need to know how sorry I am for all of this, and that if I could take every minute of it back I would in a heartbeat,” Raphael shouted as he barged into the lab, his face one of anxiety and panic. Coming up to the side of the cot, he gripped the mattress tightly in his hands as he peered down at Donnie, his eyes holding an unreleased amount of pain. Donnie looked at his brother in confusion, the shock evident in his face, his brain attempting to process exactly what Raphael was talking about. Eventually his thoughts drifted slightly to the day of his attack, the edges of Slashes memories blurring subconsciously, and he remembered the moment he and Raph split up. Suddenly, he became aware of exactly why his brother was apologizing, although he didn’t understand why Raph thought it was his fault.

                “Raph, you could never have known..Nobody could have known that Slash was roaming around way out there..It was what was good for that precise moment…To capture the Dragons…” Donnie said, trying to properly form an explanation to soothe his brother but failing to put the right words together. Raphael sat down next to Donnie, letting go of the mattress and instead fiddling with his fingers.

                “But I completely ignored you in doing so. You _told_ me you weren’t comfortable with the idea, that it wasn’t a good plan, and I didn’t listen! I should have just _listened_ to you…” He drifted off, bowing his head in the process.

                “Raph, it’s not your fault, seriously-“

                “I _never_ listen to you, and I’m sorry!” Raph interrupted, causing Donnie’s head to shoot up and stare at his brother in shock.

                “What?” He whispered softly, not understanding why his brother would make such a statement.

                “You always try to explain situations to us so we can better understand, you always try to help us when something goes wrong, you always try to give feedback when we need it most, and you always try to make me better, and I _never_ listen! I always think I’m better than you, and I’m always proven wrong, and I’m just _so_ sorry for only realizing it now, Donnie. You’re so much better than me in every way, and no amount of apologies could ever make up for my stupidity.” By now tears had sprung into Raph’s eyes, tears of guilt, and he turned his head in an attempt to hide them. He jumped at the sudden feel of Donnie’s hand on his shoulder and stared at him wide-eyed.

                “Donnie, you’re _moving,”_ he said, an air of excitement in his voice. Donatello grinned back at him.

                “Raph, _you_ make me a better brother in every way. Your criticisms mold the way I think and help me better solve situations at hand. Your teasing words help strengthen me and give me courage in the hope that I prove you wrong. I’m only brave because you’re pushing me to do better, and I’m the ninja I am because you’re helping me train, backing me up when I need it. Never feel like you’re letting me down, Raph, because it’s quite the opposite. At the chance of sounding incredibly cheesy, you actually lift me up more than you know,” he smiled, wincing as he dropped his arm back on to the cot. “Well that didn’t last very long, did it?” He scowled at his weak arm, and Raph chuckled, wiping away the tears that had formed in his eyes.

                “We’ll get it strong again; we’ll get _you_ strong again,” he said, before laughing again. “Prefer if the others don’t know about my emotional outburst, though,” he grinned, causing Donnie to grin as well.

                “Sure, sure. I’ll just use it as blackmail if ever you go _too_ hard on me in practice,” Donnie giggled, and Raph’s face went blank.

                “You’d have no proof!” He exclaimed, suddenly getting nervous.

                “Who’s to say I don’t have this place rigged with cameras?” Donnie joked, nodding his head towards the lab as Raph got off his chair and began looking around the room. This caused Donnie to laugh, and Raph turned to look at him, red-faced.

                “There aren’t actually any cameras, are there?” Raph questioned, although his tone showed that he already knew the answer.

                “Of course not, you shellbrain,” Donnie smirked, causing Raph to hit him slightly in his good arm. Giving a small moan of pain, Donnie shot a look of disdain towards his brother as he started walking towards the door.

                “Relax, nerd, it was your _good_ arm,” Raphael smirked, stopping at the door frame before leaving. “And it’s only going to get worse as you get better,” he laughed maniacally, leaving the lab as Donnie shook his head in happy exasperation towards his brother.

~

                “Hello, nurse, is it time for my medicine?” Donnie smirked as he watched April enter the lab.

                “Very funny, Donnie. Last I checked, you had more medicine in you than you could handle,” she chuckled, coming up to the bed and taking a brief moment to check his bandages. Donatello simply watched her, in awe of how gentle and methodical she was in all of this.

                “You saved my life,” was all he said, causing April to stop what she was doing and look at him with a look of bashfulness.

                “Oh, it wasn’t just me you know. Splinter, Mikey, Leo, even Casey all played their part. Raph, not so much,” April chuckled, and Donnie felt a slight blush creep up on his cheeks. He put his hand on her hand and stared her in the eyes, face serious.     

                “April, without you I would not be sitting up talking right now. So thank you, alright? Just take it, will you!?” He said playfully but forcefully, causing April to giggle and sit down next to him. She put his hand down and grabbed the glass of water she had brought in, putting it to his lips and helping him drink.

                “Alright, Donnie. Whatever you say, then. It was all stuff you had taught me over time; things we had done together while working in the labs. So really, you saved yourself,” she whispered that last part as she went to take a sip of the tea she had brought in for herself, smiling as she did so. Donnie rolled his eyes playfully, pretending that he didn’t hear that last part.

                “So tell me something,” Donnie said, causing April to look at him in confusion.               

                “What do you want me to tell you?” April said, leaning back in her chair and taking another sip of her tea. Donnie sighed dreamily as he watched her, wishing she would stay with him forever.

                “I don’t care, anything. Anything that has nothing to do with this lab, or with me, or with my battered body; something about you and the outside world. I feel like I’m suffocating down here at this point,” he said dramatically, causing April to roll her eyes and chuckle.

                “You’re such a drama queen,” she chuckled, causing Donnie to grin proudly. “Well, my dad is working on a new project, about bats no less,” she laughed, and Donnie groaned softly.

                “Is he still not over the whole mutation thing, then?” Donnie said sympathetically, and April shook her head sadly.

                “I don’t think so, but at least he’s putting the stress of that time towards something positive, instead of drowning in his fears and sorrows like he did when he first returned to human form,” she said, the second half slightly muffled as she buried her mouth into her mug. Donnie smiled kindheartedly, knowing it was their fault that whole mess had happened in the first place.

                “I’m still so sorry about that, April. Your father will get better one day,” he said softly, but April just waved the apology away.  

                “Don’t worry about it, Donnie. At least he’s got something to keep him occupied now,” she smiled.

                “You never told me what it was about bats that your father was studying,” Donnie pointed out.

                “Well, he’s studying their pattern of-“ April started, but was interrupted by a loud bang on the lab door.

                “Hurry up in there, April! Some of us still need to see him before he conks out again!” The voice of a high-strung Leo emanated through the door, causing April and Donnie to look at each other and laugh.       

                “What is _with_ my brother?” Donnie exclaimed, moaning internally that his moments with April were not only coming to an end, but were being rushed now because of his brother.

                April put a hand on Donnie’s shoulder and smiled empathetically. “We’ve all had a couple of bad weeks, Don. I think Leo’s just cracked the hardest,” she joked, and Donnie snorted.

                “Big, strong Leo turns out to be fragile minded? Figures,” Donnie sad, causing April to giggle some more.

                “I better go before he breaks that door down,” she said, running her hand down to Donnie’s hand and giving it a squeeze. “I’ll be back later, I promise.”

                “You better,” Donnie said softly, not wanting to let go of her hand but forcing himself to do so. “Bring me some more morphine while you’re at it, that stuff does the body _good,_ ” he singsonged jokingly, and April rolled her eyes.

                “Dream on, Donnie!” With that, she left the lab, but not before Donnie could see the grin on her face.

~

                “You actually do look nice and alive, I’m impressed,” Leo joked as he leaned on the doorframe with his arms crossed, taking in his brother’s moving form. Donnie just raised an eyebrow at him.

                “Could use a shower though,” Donatello said, causing them both to laugh. Leonardo took a step forward before suddenly reclining dramatically, waving a hand in front of his face.

                “You don’t say,” he said amusedly, to which Donnie simply rolled his eyes and scowled playfully.

                “Who’s to say I was referring to myself?” Donnie shot back, causing Leo to feign being hurt. Sitting down next to Donnie, Leo took a long look at his brother and the progress he had made, feeling his spirit lift knowing everything was going to be okay. “How you feeling, Don?” He asked, playing the role of older brother once more.

                “Stiff, smelly, hungry, pained, exhausted, but overall just happy to be, you know, alive,” Donnie grinned, and Leo grabbed a slice of pizza off of the drawer next to the cot. He saw his brother open his mouth, obviously expecting Leo to give him the slice, but instead ended up eating it himself.

                “Hey! That was _my_ pizza!” Donnie pouted at his brother, his body reflexively going to cross its arms but failing. “You know, the one turtle that hasn’t eaten in _weeks?_ ”

                “Relax, Mikey’s out there preparing enough pizza to feed the entire population of New York. You’ll get yours soon enough. For now, _I_ need it!” He winked, grabbing Donnie’s glass of water and downing that as well. Donatello just looked at him and scowled, shaking his head in the process.

                “You’re just a _wonderful_ example of an older brother! Who are you, and where have you taken our Leonardo?” He joked, and Leo reclined in the chair, folding his arms and smiling at his brother.

                “Serious Fearless Leader Leo decided to take a short vacation once he realized you were awake for real,” Leo stated. “For now, you get giddy, happy, slightly annoying Leo,” he grinned, and Donnie moaned.

                “Out of all the turtles to clone, it _had_ to be Mikey…” Donnie said sullenly.

                “I don’t know how we could ever manage, I’m even annoying myself at this point,” Leo said, causing them both to laugh once more. A moment of silence passed, before Leo’s face turned serious.

                “Do you remember waking up at all? Like, before this time?” He asked, and Donatello bit his lip in an effort to remember. He could barely remember anything, and although there was one time where he thought he might have woken up, he was unsure if it was just a dream or reality.

                “I’m not sure if this actually happened, but I do remember blurred images moving around me, the thud of words pounding in my ears, fingertips..” He trailed off, thinking deeply about what he had felt during that time. He heard a slight gasp and looked up to find Leo staring hard at him, an unnamable emotion plastered on his face. He stared back, questioning Leo with his eyes.

                “You woke up once before this, but you weren’t entirely lucid and you were in so much pain. It was quite hard to watch, honestly, but luckily I was able to get through to you somehow and calm you down. I guess I was just wondering if you remembered any of it, since it was..quite memorable to us,” Leo chuckled, and Donnie smiled at him.

                “I think I do, kind of,” Donnie stated, and the room fell silent once more.

                “Thank you, Leo, for everything,” He added, his cheeks turning red. Leo got up, hovering over Donnie before grabbing the back of his head and placing their foreheads together momentarily.

                “Always,” was all Leo said, before letting go. Donnie saw him move slightly and looked over to find him grabbing the other slice of pizza on the table. Giving a look of silent frustration to his brother, Leo simply stood up and giggled as he ate the second piece, jumping out of the way at Donatello’s pathetic attempt at swatting him.

                “Leo! I’m going to die of starvation over here!” Donnie whined, and Leo copied him in mock sadness.

                “You’ll survive,” he said, and both laughed as they considered that statement in terms of the recent events.

                “Yea, I guess I will,” Donnie smiled. “Now get out before I fall into a coma again, I’m exhausted,” He laughed, and Leo pretended to be offended. He placed a hand on Donnie’s forehead tenderly for a moment before turning and walking to the door.      

                “I know, my presence can definitely be coma-inducing, I’m so fabulous,” Leo joked, and Donnie tutted in response.

                “More like you’re so boring you put me to sleep,” he fired back, and Leo just laughed as he walked out of the lab.  

~

                “The night is getting on, my son, and I’m sure you are exhausted after all of those visits,” Splinter said as he entered the lab, another glass of water in his hand. Putting it to Donnie’s lips, he was surprised at how fast the turtle downed it, placing it to the side and bringing the covers up around his son once more.

                “What is everyone doing now?” Donnie asked, feeling the sleep overtake him as he did so. Splinter walked to the door and turned off the lights of the lab so that all was dark, the only remaining light that of the hallway shining in.    

                “Resting, just like you. It has been an exhausting time for all of us, and we all deserve to relax now. I think the worst is over. Tomorrow is a new day, for all of us, and especially for you my son. Sleep now, for when you wake, the hardest training of your life begins,” Splinter stated, shutting the door gently, and the click of it closing was the last thing Donnie heard before he fell into a slumber once more, his dreams filled with the images of his family and friends surrounding him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed it! Feedback and comments always welcome :)


	7. Visions and Vitality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Donnie takes steps towards healing, all while putting band-aids on the real problems.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!  
> I'm sorry it's taken so long to get this chapter up! It took me quite a while to figure out how to form this chapter, since originally it was supposed to be several chapters. I condensed them into one, so as to move the plot along a bit faster and get to the juicier stuff quicker ;)  
> I hope you enjoy this chapter, here we get Donnie making some strides in physical recovery, all while faltering mentally (but not acknowledging it to anyone except himself).
> 
> I'll try to get the next chapter up as soon as possible.
> 
> Also, if you are into How to Train Your Dragon, I am currently working on a new fic for that fandom. I put a super short preview into it on my Archive page, go check it out! :)
> 
> Thanks everyone!

**Week 2**           

“You’re doing great, Donnie,” April grinned as she held his arm up, taking in the slow but sure movement of his hand curling in on itself. Donnie looked up at April and grinned back, his face set in determination, a look of pride in his eyes.

                “Try letting go for a moment,” he replied, to which April obliged, gently releasing her grip from under his arm. His arm stayed in its position for a couple of seconds before trembling slightly and Donnie let it fall back onto the cot, his forehead glistening slightly with sweat. “Beat my record,” he laughed, and April wrote something down in a notebook before slamming it shut.

                “Your arm strength is getting much better! You were able to hold them up ten seconds longer than yesterday. Have you been practicing without me?” She joked, and a slight blush formed on Donnie’s cheeks.          

                “I can’t lie and say I haven’t. The faster I can get up and moving again, the better,” He said gently, his hands forming in fists for a few seconds before becoming too painful, resulting in their release.

                April came over and put a hand on his shoulder. “You _will_ get better. And you _have_ been getting better. Since you woke up, you’ve been able to regain strength in your hands and both your arms. You can sit up on your own and you can even wiggle your feet! No more bruising, your scars are healing, and before you know it, you’ll be fighting with your brothers once more,” she said positively, and Donatello couldn’t help but smile.

                It had been a week and a half since Donatello had woken up for good, and every waking moment was spent working his body into reacting normally again. Each member of his family and friends had been assigned a different role in helping with his recovery – April took care of his upper body and injuries, Leo and Mikey were assigned the task of strengthening his middle and overall strength, Raph and Casey worked on his legs, and Splinter worked on his mind. Donnie wanted nothing more than to get back on his feet, to finally be rid of the cot and to be able to join his family elsewhere once more. Training was exhausting, though, and he found himself sleeping any time he was not training. He also could not shake the sudden flashbacks and visions that went through his mind when he was left alone in the lab, but those he swallowed back and did not mention duri’ng his meditations with his father.

                “Alright, try taking this pen and writing something for me,” April said, and Donnie looked up at her in confusion. “That’s right, a new challenge. Let’s see if you’ve still got that artistry within you somewhere,” she winked, and Donnie huffed in mock offense, grabbing the pen from her hand. The realization of what had just occurred shocked both of them slightly, and they both giggled. “Well, that was something new,” April said.

                “I think you need to offend me some more, I seem to work better when I try to prove you wrong,” Donatello joked, and April placed her notebook on his lap. Though slightly shaky, he moved his pen along the paper, shielding it from April’s sight. Once finished, he handed it to her himself, smiling proudly, and she gave him an affectionate look before grabbing the notebook. Glancing over it caused her to blush, as she took in the words that were scribbled in an almost perfect cursive.

_“Luckily I’m ambidextrous, and Slash only managed to mangle one hand. You look beautiful today, by the way.”_

                April closed her pad and smacked him lightly on the shoulder, and he grabbed it in mock hurt. “Flattery won’t win you any bonus points, buddy,” she laughed. “But thanks for the compliment anyways.”

                Donnie closed his eyes and stuck his tongue out at her playfully. “It was worth a shot.” Placing both palms on the cot, he pushed himself up into a sitting position, wincing slightly at the pressure on his bad hand. “Now if only we could get these things working,” he pointed to his legs, a slight frown on his face. “And maybe fix..” he trailed off, gesturing to his plastron. April frowned and sat on the cot next to him. 

                “Does it hurt?” She said, placing her hand over the hole where the rest of his plastron used to be. Donnie was quiet for a moment, as if contemplating the answer, and then shook his head.

                “Not as much as you’d think, actually. My legs seem to hurt more. I mean, it stings when I sit up, and I’m sure it won’t feel great when I start walking, but mainly it just feels..empty. Like I’m missing a piece of me, you know?” He said softly, and April nodded in understanding.

                “Well, I know that Splinter has something in store for that, something to protect you from getting hurt in future battles. You’ll always be vulnerable now, but at least you’ll look cool,” she said lightheartedly, and the mood lightened.

                “I suppose I’ll have that going for me,” Donnie joked. April got up and put the notebook on the table.   

                “I better go check on the others, make sure they aren’t burning down the house or something,” April laughed, causing Donnie to smirk.

                “I think I’ll just have a nap before Leo and Mikey come in and kill me once more,” he sighed, lifting his arm and waving to April proudly as she walked towards the door. She waved back, her eyes shining with affection for him.

                “April?” He questioned as she was about to leave, causing her to turn around.

                “Yea?” She replied, and was taken aback by his face. It was as if her Donnie had disappeared, replaced by a shadow of doubt and darkness, the light gone completely. She stayed still, afraid he might close up or freak out if she made any sudden movements.

                “I’m still me, right?” He said gently, but the tone sent shivers down April’s spine. Where was this coming from? Why did it seem like he _wasn’t_ him all of a sudden?

                “Yea, you’re still you, Donnie,” She tried to smile, her only reassurance that of her friend suddenly coming back to life before her as she crept out of the lab.

~

**Week 4**

“Dude, you are going to look totally rad!” Casey Jones shouted as he barged into the lab, a look of excitement in his eyes. Donnie raised an eyebrow in confusion, seeing his brothers and April come in as well, their faces radiating happiness. Pulling himself into a sitting position, he gasped as he saw Splinter coming into the lab holding what looked like a large protective belt. Coming up to his son, Splinter held it out, and Donatello ran his hand over its smooth, metallic surface. Tears welled up in his eyes as he realized what it was for.

                “I have spent a long time making this for you, my son, ever since I first saw you after your attack. I know how vulnerable you are now, and I know how useful this will be for you. Although, maybe in a greedy sense, I hope you will never actually _need_ to use this,” he smiled, and Donnie chuckled, bowing his head in thanks, no words forming in his mouth. He sat up as his father placed it around his plastron and marveled at how light it felt, despite how heavy it looked. Once it was on, everyone stared at it in awe, appreciating Splinter’s craftsmanship.

                “Sensei, I can’t thank you enough for this..” Donnie trailed off, and Splinter put his hand on his son’s shoulder, nodding in understanding.

                “Sensei, can you make _me_ one of those? They rock!” Raphael said, and everyone laughed. Splinter shook his head and chuckled before leaving his son to be with his friends and brothers.

                “Looks like you guys will have a hard time beating me down now,” Donnie joked, causing his brothers to laugh.

                “As if!” The three of them shouted in unison, high fiving each other and nudging Donnie’s shoulder. Donnie rolled his eyes towards April, as if to say “look what I have to deal with,” causing April to giggle.

                “Help me get up, guys. Like, _really_ get up,” Donnie demanded suddenly, and everyone froze, not knowing what to do.

                “Donnie, are you sure –“ Leo began, but Donnie cut him off before he could say anything further.

                “Help me try to walk, _please._ I’ve been stuck on this cot for _months_ and I just need to _try._ I have to do something to deserve this cool belt, don’t I?” He joked, although his brothers and friends just frowned at his statement.

                “It’s still too early; your legs, they aren’t strong enough yet,” Raphael stated, and Donnie sighed in frustration.

                “Please, Raph. Please, everyone. I know it’s been a long time since my legs have moved, and I know they need a lot more work before they’ll be completely healed. I just figured, maybe with some determination and you guys by my side, I could take a few steps..” Donnie trailed off, a frown of disappointment forming on his face. Tears began to form in his eyes. Why couldn’t his brothers understand that he needed this?

                Leo stared at his brother’s crestfallen expression and sighed in resignation. “Raph, let’s do it.” Raphael shot his head up at his brother in shock, but Leo nodded towards Donnie’s face and Raphael sighed. Together they sat Donatello up on the side of the cot, his feet dangling off of the edge. Donatello sighed contentedly, a smile forming on his face as his eyes closed.

                “I’m not even joking when I say I feel the life coming back into my legs,” he said, and everyone chuckled. Leo called Mikey over and together Mikey and Raph wrapped Donatello’s arms around their shoulders. Hoisting him up onto his feet, everyone drew a collective breath, anticipating disaster but not saying so.

                “Alright, nice and slow,” Leo directed, and Mikey and Raph lowered Donatello gently onto his feet, keeping their grip on their brother tight so as not to let him fall. Donatello gasped as his feet touched the cold floor and the pain shot up his legs, but he gritted his teeth in determination and looked to Leo, April and Casey in front of him.

                “Come on buddy, you can do it,” Mikey encouraged softly next to him, and with all the determination he could muster he pushed his leg to move. It was a small movement, less than an inch forward, but the impact was great as everyone around him gasped in happy shock. Casey ran to get Splinter so that he could witness what was happening. Groaning in pain and sweating from the effort, Donatello wanted nothing more than to give up, but forced himself forward as he took another small step and then another. After ten minutes or so, he had walked almost two feet and as he hit the wall closest to the cot where Leo, April, Casey and Splinter waited, he fell into them with tears and happiness flooding through him. Everyone crowded around him, shouting with joy and happiness, and he was held up by the group as they hugged him tightly.

                “You did us proud, today, Donnie,” Leo whispered, and Donnie had never felt better in his entire life.   

~

Donnie woke up in a sweat, his body shaking as he tried to remember what had jostled him in his sleep but not remembering as the room around him formed in his vision. The lab was dark, the night getting on, and by the sound of the television Donnie assumed everyone was asleep in the living room. Donatello breathed a huge breath and closed his eyes in an attempt to calm himself down. He looked around the room and remembered the events that had happened earlier that night – he had actually walked for the first time in months! His chest swelled with joy as he thought about his progress. He _was_ getting better, and soon enough he would be back to fighting form.

But it was taking too long. The lab was starting to become suffocating to Donnie, and suddenly he felt his chest tighten, the walls seeming as if they were closing in on him and the darkness surrounding him completely.

He needed to get out of the lab immediately. But what could he do? He didn’t want to yell and wake anybody up. That would be selfish of him. Everyone had worked so hard for him; it was only fair that he let them rest up when there was no training to be done. He looked up and saw the faint light glowing from his door and realized that it was a lot closer to his cot than he had remembered.

Grabbing the sides of the cot, he pushed himself up into a sitting position, his feet once more dangling off of the side. Breathing in and out in order to brace himself for what was next and to calm his jittering nerves, he counted to ten in his head and hardened his resolve. Lowering his feet gently to the floor, he held on to the cot for steadiness as he found his proper footing and the position that made him feel most comfortable. Gritting his teeth and trying to forget about the intense pain he was feeling, Donnie looked down and the full realization hit him. He was standing on his own! He grinned and laughed almost maniacally moving slowly along the edge of the cot to the table next to it, using the surfaces to hold him up so he wouldn’t fall.

A few minutes later and he was only a foot and a half away from the door. His face was red and sweaty and his legs were cramping with the amount of pain coursing through them. He frowned as he realized he would have to walk this on his own – there was nothing to hold on to. He let out a shaky breath as doubt plagued his mind, but shook it off and slowly let go of the table. His body swayed slightly but in the end it righted itself and he slowly took one step forward as he closed his eyes. Opening them, he realized he had taken a step without any help and had not fallen, and rejoiced internally at this revelation. One by one the steps continued, and he could feel his chest becoming less tight as he made his way towards the rest of the lair. He laughed emotionally as he made his way out of the lab and into the lair, his heart swelling as he caught a look at the television, couches, pinball machine and sleeping brothers ahead of him. Going to take a step towards them, he was not paying attention and his foot caught hold on the hallway carpet, sending him falling down onto the ground. He cried out in pain as his legs bent harshly, sending a quick jolt of electricity through his bones, and woke his brothers up.

“What the heck was that?” Mikey shouted, and everyone else flew up off the couch to see Donatello on his hands and knees before them. Gasping in shock that he had gotten that far all by himself, they ran up to help him on his feet once more.

“Dude, what were you thinking?” Casey exclaimed as he ran up behind Donnie, going to grab his middle and help lift him up.

It was as if Donnie had disappeared, lost in another world. Feeling something grab him from behind caused his mind to flash back to that dark day and he became lost in that moment. Grabbing Casey’s arm, Donnie threw him down in front, pinning him down and breathing heavily. He shook and gritted his teeth, the fear evident in his face as he stared at Casey, although his gaze was far away. Everyone around them gasped and Casey struggled under Donnie’s grip.

“Dude it’s me! It’s Casey! No need to freak out, I’m not going to hurt you!” He tried to shake Donnie out of his reverie, but it didn’t seem to work. Raph and Leo attempted to push Donnie off of Casey but he proved too strong in his altered state of mind. Mikey stood next to his face and grabbed it, causing Donnie to look at him.

“Bro, it’s okay! We’re not going to hurt you, you’re in the lair, and if you don’t snap back to reality you’re going to really hurt Casey. Come on Donnie, calm down,” he repeated gently, forcing Donnie to look at him and rubbing his face, hoping to snap him back to reality. Eventually his breathing slowed down, his eyes becoming focused once more as he turned towards Casey. Realizing what he was doing he let go of Casey, who got up and brushed himself off, staring at Donnie in concern. Donnie looked down, his eyes closing and his face heating up in shame.

“Casey I’m..I’m so sorry. I really don’t know what that was, I don’t know what came over me,” he said softly, the embarrassment evident on his voice. Casey just shrugged, helping him to his feet with the help of Leo and Raph.

“No worries, I’ve had worse. But are you sure _you’re_ okay? I’ve never seen you freak out like that, man,” Casey said, a tone of concern lacing his words. They brought him over to the couch and sat him down, and April went to grab a glass of water from the kitchen, having run out of her room to see what the commotion was. Donnie smiled sheepishly and chuckled, rubbing the back of his head.

“You just scared me, was all. Ninja reaction, I guess,” he joked. Nobody else laughed at his joke, and although they were worried about Donnie, they dropped the subject. He was embarrassed enough as it was, and tomorrow was another day. Instead, everyone threw themselves down on the couch beside and in front of him and watched him intently.

“What?” Donnie said after a minute of awkward silence, noticing everyone staring at him.

“Donnie, do you realize you walked all the way from your cot to the hallway on your own? That’s massive!” Raphael said, excitement lacing his voice. Donnie grinned at him.

                “Which he shouldn’t have done in the first place,” Leo reprimanded, causing Raph to scowl and Donnie’s face to drop. Leo sighed at this, and put his hand on Donnie’s shoulder. “Good job though, Donnie. That _was_ awesome. Just let us know next time,” he winked, and Donnie smiled at him, nodding.

                “Promise,” Donnie said truthfully, and settled back for a night of storytelling, glad that his out-of-character moment was not discussed further.

~

**Week 6**

                “I’ve got a lot of plans for us when I’m back on my feet fully,” Donnie mused, scribbling in his notebook and consulting his laptop. In front of him, his brothers were fully immersed in yet another television show, one found deep in the crevices of the sewer system. Donatello rolled his eyes at their ignorance towards his comment but smiled at the fact that they were enjoying themselves so much.

                “So what is this show, anyways?” April questioned, coming to join them on the couch with a giant bowl of popcorn. Leo, Mikey and Raph each grabbed a large handful, leaving barely any in the bowl. April shot them a look of disdain and scowled. “What about saving some for _me?_ ” she growled. The other turtles simply laughed as they shoved their faces full of popcorn.

                “Only the coolest outer space show _ever!”_ Casey said excitedly as he threw himself down next to April, taking the bowl with the remaining popcorn and leaving April with none. She threw him a look of disgust, and he grinned cheekily back at her. “How have you not seen this before, anyways? You’re here more than I am,” he mused.

                “Oh, I don’t know, maybe because I’m always the one having to refill the popcorn bowl,” she said sarcastically, grabbing the near-empty bowl from Casey and getting up. “I’ll go make us some more, since it seems popcorn doesn’t last very long in this house,” she chuckled.

                “How about something to drink, too? Popcorn goes down a little rough sometimes,” Raph said, his vision not wavering from the television.

                “And maybe some of those gummy candies, they always go so well with popcorn,” Leo added, shoving more popcorn in his mouth.

                “Anything else I can do for you, my masters?” April said drily, moving towards the kitchen, and was met with silence. Rolling her eyes, she turned to Donnie. “What about you, Don? Need anything?” She asked, but was met with more silence. She moved closer to him, only to realize he was definitely not with them presently in the lair, watching television.

                He was concentrated on his notepad, sketching something elaborate, but his strokes were gentle and lazy. It was as if his mind were in another place, another time, another world, and his hand was moving to compensate for the images flashing through his mind. His eyes were glazed as they stared into the page, and April couldn’t make out the emotion coming through them. Fear? Resentment? Obsession? Chalking it up as normal Donatello behavior, April nudged his foot with hers and was taken aback when he jumped up in surprise, slamming his book shut quickly before she could even see the image.

                “Are you alright, D?” She chuckled as he stared at her wide eyed and then shook his head, smiling.

                “You scared me April! You know how I get when I start drawing,” he said, and April nodded, for she knew he disappeared sometimes when thinking of new inventions.

                “What is it this time? Can I get an early preview?” She said, moving towards Donnie and his notepad, but he held it away from her. She looked at him in confusion, for she was _always_ allowed an early look.

                “N-Not this time, April. You have to wait just like everyone else in the room,” Donnie smirked, although April caught the slight panic and hesitation in his voice. She rolled her eyes and smiled at him.

                “It better be worth it then,” she said, raising an eyebrow and holding out the bowl. “Do you want some popcorn? Seems your brothers don’t know how to chew and practically inhaled it all.”

                Donnie laughed. “They tend to do that when watching their shows. But no, I’m alright for now. Wish I could come help you, though..” He trailed off sadly, his bottom lip coming out into a pout. April chuckled.

                “One day. For now, you have to sit and endure _that_ ,” she said, pointing to Casey, Leo, Raph and Mikey acting like idiots out of excitement for what was happening on the show. Donnie rolled his eyes and shook his head.

                “Oh yay,” he said sarcastically.

~

                “Alright, you start mixing these two components together, and run the centrifuge for those two for about 45 minutes,” Donnie told Mikey, pointing to the different vials of solutions he had lined around his desk. His lab was up and running again and Donatello couldn’t be happier. His brothers had procured a rolling chair from somewhere up above in order to help him move around faster without having to walk too much. Despite being holed up in the cot for months, he had not lost his touch concerning science and was directing his assistant once more as they set a course to make more mutagen. Unfortunately, Donnie had to leave Mikey in charge for the time being as his training continued, but he smiled knowing his training finally involved some more extensive exercises than simply moving his arm up and down.

                “If you need me, I’ll be in Splinter’s dojo, okay? Please, _please_ don’t ruin this batch Mikey!” He pleaded, the worry evident on his voice. Grabbing a hold of the back of Donnie’s chair, Mikey began rolling him out of the lab, laughing as he did so.

                “Don’t worry D! I’ve been your lab assistant for so long now; I know these experiments like the back of my hand,” he said, lifting his hand to stare at it. “Actually, maybe I know them more..” He trailed off, confusion etching his features as he continued to stare at his hand. Donnie slapped a hand to his forehead.          

                “Mikey! My solution isn’t going to mix itself!” He yelled, snapping Mikey back to reality.

                “Right, bro! Happy training!” He said as he pushed Donatello’s chair out of the lab with him on it, slamming the door shut on his face despite his protests.

                Putting the solutions in their proper places and throwing himself back in another lab chair, Mikey breathed a sigh of contentment to be back at work for his brother. Despite his cluelessness towards most things in life, lab work was something that he actually enjoyed and didn’t mind thinking about. Watching the centrifuge whirl the test tubes around was making him drowsy, though, and so he began to rustle through the lab for something to keep him occupied.

                Opening Donnie’s drawers in the lab, he found mostly the same things – old, broken centrifuges, test tubes, flasks, bottles of solutions. But one thing stood out from the rest, something that normally did not claim a spot in these drawers – Donnie’s sketch book.

                Mikey went to grab it and then paused. These were Donnie’s sketches for future and current projects. Did he really want to ruin the surprise of a revealed machine for a glance at a few rough sketches of something that hadn’t even been constructed yet?

                The answer was _yes,_ of course!

                Grabbing the book, he settled back into his chair and breathed in with anticipation. What would he find? Turtle Mech 2.0? Something to help them fly into outer space? An everlasting pizza creator? One could hope…

                He closed his eyes and opened the book to the first page. Opening them slowly to enhance the reveal, he gasped in horror at what he actually saw, dropping the book on the floor momentarily before picking it back up again. It was Slash, his evil and menacing eyes piercing through the darkness of the black surrounding him. Donatello, lying on the floor, blood gushing from his body. Slash, with his claws ripping deep into Donatello’s flesh, and Donatello crying out in pain for someone to help him. Images so graphic and realistic, Mikey could have sworn he was there watching. _This_ was what Donnie had been drawing the whole time? Recreating what had happened all those months ago?

                “I thought you were getting over this. I thought you were getting better…” Mikey whispered, lightly fingering the drawings scrawled on the pages. Getting up, he checked to make sure the solutions were doing fine, and then ran out to show his brothers what he found. Usually, he would protect his brother’s secrets, but this seemed too extreme to keep quiet.

~

                “Where did you find this?” Leo growled seriously, running through the pages, his heart shriveling with each new picture. Beside him he could hear Raph cursing, pacing back and forth and holding his head in his hands. Mikey looked down, ashamed for betraying his brother’s trust, but knowing it was for the better.

                “It was hidden with all his lab equipment in the drawer. I thought it was going to be all of his new creations, and so I thought I’d just take a look. I didn’t know I’d find…” Mikey trailed off, his voice quivering, and Leo put a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

                “You did the right thing, Mikey,” he said comfortingly.

                “But _why_ would he do this? I thought he was getting better. I thought he was moving on from the whole Slash debacle,” Raph said in frustration, gesturing wildly. “Why would he start drawing these things _months_ later?” he said, but nobody answered.

                “Do we tell Sensei?” Mikey said quietly, and the room went silent in contemplation.

                “We need to,” Leo said, although his tone was one of uncertainty.

                “We can’t,” Raph said, and silently everyone agreed. “We need to talk about it with him, and try and solve the problem ourselves. If Master Splinter found out, Donnie would never forgive us,” Raph said sadly, and the others nodded.

                “Okay, we’ll keep this between us three and Donnie. His training is done in another ten minutes, so we’ll go confront him when he gets back to the lab,” Leo said, closing the book and trying to stop the images from burning in his mind.

~

                “You’ll never guess what I was able to do this time in training, it was incredible! I was actually able to – “ Donatello began as he entered his lab, wiping himself down with a towel and realizing that nobody was around. “Mikey?” He questioned, but nobody answered.

                The centrifuge was still at work, and the other solutions had been mixed, but nobody was around. Donatello looked around the lab in confusion, only to gasp as his vision fell across the open drawer, the one containing his sketchbook. The one that was supposed to be hidden from view. Mentally his kicked himself for picking an obvious spot, and his stomach filled with dread as he realized that the book was gone. That meant…

                He turned around, only to find his three brothers standing there, a look of worry and trauma on their face. Donnie could feel himself crumple slightly as he realized that Leo was clutching his notebook. Surely, that implied that they had seen his drawings. Why else would they all be in the lab now, looking as if they had just seen someone die?

                “Guys, you need to understand..” Donnie began, but was cut off when Leo threw the notepad on the table with a loud thud, causing Donatello to wince.

                “Why didn’t you tell us about this? That you weren’t over what happened? That you still thought about Slash and what he did to you?” Raph began, and Donatello could see him getting visibly upset. He hung his head in shame.

                “You could have talked to us Donnie. We’re always there for you. You know that,” Mikey added, which only added more guilt to Donatello’s resolve.

                “The drawings mean nothing, guys, I promise. I’m moving on, I promise! I’m doing okay, alright?” He said, and although for the most part it was sincere, he couldn’t help but feel like part of it was a lie. He ignored the feeling. Despite their stares of disbelief, Donatello continued.

                “Look, you guys were there when this happened. After it happened,” he corrected himself, knowing full well that he was alone with Slash the entire time. “You saw what I was like, you lived with me while I healed, and you _know_ what happened. I _don’t._ I wasn’t lucid for most of the fight, I definitely wasn’t for the aftermath, and I just know what happened through stories. Drawing out what happened is the only way for me to process fully what went on that day. It’s the only way I can realize the events, to recreate the story, so that I can better understand it and know how to move on from it. I’m not drawing them because I’m stuck in the past. I’m drawing them so that I can move on in my present,” he said, and to his relief the concern was erased from his brothers’ faces. Releasing a held in sigh, he mentally scolded himself for leaving out certain parts of the story, but these were secrets that were better kept hidden within. Smiling, he grabbed the book off the table and threw it in the trashcan, much to the shock of his brothers. “If it’ll make you feel better for me to stop drawing them, then I will. I’ll process it some other way,” he said, and Raph shook his head.

                “You do what you have to do Donnie. Whatever you need to be able to move on and get better. Just no more secrets, okay? We’re your brothers, and we’re here for you.” Getting up, he put a hand on Donnie’s shoulder and bent down to retrieve the book from the garbage. Putting it on the table in front of his brother, he smiled. “Those pictures are great though, despite being what they are. Glad to see your drawing is coming along well.” Winking, he began walking out of the lab. “It’s time for our training guys; let’s hustle before Sensei turns us into sushi.”

                Getting up, Mikey went to hug Donnie before pointing out all the work he did in the lab, and what was left to do. Smiling proudly at him, he sent Mikey on his way and sat down to continue his work, only to jump when he realized that Leo was still sitting in front of him.

                “Leo, what are you still doing here? You’re going to be late for training,” Donnie chuckled, but the seriousness of Leo’s expression caused him to go silent.

                “You’re lying, Donnie,” he pointed out directly, and Donnie squirmed in discomfort, looking away from Leo’s strong gaze.

                “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” was all he said in reply. Leo sighed in frustration, rising to his feet and moving towards the door.

                “You know I love you, bro, but I know you’re not alright and I know you’re not telling me the whole truth. I’m here when you’re ready, okay?” He gave Donnie a small smile of reassurance before he left, but Donnie was left with a feeling that he had just lost a fight he didn’t know he was in.

~

                “I think we’re losing him, Sensei,” Leo said to Splinter after their training was over. Mikey and Raph had gone to check on securing food for the family for lunch, and Leo had taken this opportunity to voice his fears to his father. Splinter gazed at his son for a moment before closing his eyes and nodding.

                “Your brother has been through a lot, Leonardo. His mind is having a hard time processing what has occurred, and despite his best efforts Donatello is failing at being able to accept what has happened to him. Somewhere deep inside him, he is still wounded, and this wound is beginning to eat away at his soul,” Splinter explained sadly, and Leo frowned.

                “So what can we do?” He said quietly, a hint of desperation in his voice.

                “We help in any way that we can, treat him like we usually do, continue with getting him back on his feet, and we give him time. Time to heal, time to think, time to process, time to realize,” Splinter answered with wisdom, and Leo looked at him in confusion.        

                “Wait for him to realize what?” He said, and Splinter opened his eyes to stare at his son, a look of sadness and perseverance within them.

                “To realize that he is broken, and that he needs us to help repair him,” Splinter said, and both he and his son sighed sadly.

                _How were they supposed to mend someone when that someone didn’t know they needed mending?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback and anything else always appreciated!! :)

**Author's Note:**

> Give me feedback! Let me know if you liked it or not!


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